Harry Potter and the Order of the Chronic
by sastath
Summary: Sequel to HP and the Blazin Goblet. HP continues at Hogwarts in his hazy and stoned state. His popularity skyrocketing as the magical world hangs on his every word. Old allies lost, new ones gained. A stalker attempts to break Fleur away. HP cunning.
1. Dudley's Day

**Harry Potter and the Order of the Chronic  
**

**Dudley's Day**

**I don't own any of the characters, all JKR, no profit to be made.**

**Sequel to Harry Potter and the Blazin Goblet**

--

It was a quiet and normal evening on Privet Drive in Little Whinging, Surrey. It was dull and plain, nothing to raise any suspicion as Vernon and Petunia Dursley backed out of their drive way. However, if the elder Dursley's had been paying attention they would have noticed the small bend in blinds of their own house, as if making sure of their departure.

--

Dudley Dursley let out a long-winded breath of air as his parents disappeared from view. He turned, letting the blinds snap shut, to face Harry who was lying on the couch flicking his cheek to make an annoying popping sound.

"They're gone." Dudley said with a grin as he wiped away some sweat from his brow.

"You're way to tense Dudders, Dud, Big D, whatever the hell you call yourself these days." Harry said rising from the couch and giving a stretch.

"Hey they wanted me to go to that boring award ceremony." Dudley said waving his arms in the direction of the window.

"What the hell were they being awarded any way?" Harry muttered.

"I think it was best kept lawn or something…" Dudley replied as his response turned into blur of soft muttering.

Harry gave a shrug seemingly not caring, but then froze. "Wait a minute… I take care of the lawn! What the fuck? Taking credit for my work."

Harry sighed as he gazed at Dudley who gave a shrug in response. Harry thought on it a moment, but realized that he only cut the grass. The rest of the lawn was being taken care of in the dead of night by Dobby, the rather insane house elf that worshipped the ground Harry walked on. After thoroughly deciding to steal the award to give to the elf Harry spoke.

"Fuck it. So how did you convince your parents to let you stay here then? You know they don't like letting their little Dudders hang out with the creepy and unnatural Harry."

"Well I told them you had been experimenting with fire recently and didn't know if it would be safe to leave you on your own." Dudley replied with grin.

Harry glared at Dudley for a few moments pondering the words before finally shrugging. "I should probably be mad, but… fuck it."

"Sooo…" Dudley let said elongating the phrase, while trying to sound casual. "You invite Karen over to smoke with us?"

"Of course." Harry replied giving a nod of his head.

"So do you think I can have a shot at her?" Dudley said still trying to sound casual.

Harry rolled his eyes.

"Dudley I never said you couldn't try and get together with Karen."

"That isn't fair Potter! You have a girlfriend and Karen follows you around like a lap dog. I don't see why you just can't tell her you aren't interested so I have a shot." Dudley said his eyes slowly narrowing into slits of anger.

Harry sighed. "Dudley, Dud, we've been over this. I got to have a few girls on the backburner. Suppose something happened with my baby, then what? I'd have no girls fawning after me. And that… that would be far to tragic."

"Please, you said you were famous in that freak world. So girls probably throw themselves at you anyway." Dudley said scoffing at Harry.

Harry didn't reply for a bit, apparently lost in thought.

"Ok what you say might have some truth Dud, but… I'm still not going to help you." Harry finished with a rather evil grin.

"Fucking arse." Dudley replied with a shake of his head, just as a soft knock was heard at the door.

Harry slowly made his way to the door, stopping only to take a look out one of the windows nearby to ensure whom it was. Harry gave a snort as Dudley quickly attempted to make himself look more presentable.

A quick flip of the lock and Harry had the door open.

"Welcome Karen to my humble abode." Harry said dipping down to a knee in an over exaggerated bow.

"Stop clowning Harry." Karen giggled as she gave Harry a quick hug and a peck on the cheek.

"Hey Dudley." Karen said in a friendly tone as Harry shut the door.

"Karen." Dudley in an over the top mystique manner as he leaned up against a sofa with his arms crossed. When Harry turned to the scene he had to fake a cough to stifle his laughter at Dudley's ploy. Harry couldn't help, but feel that his Aunt's flower patterned couch didn't help Dudley's chances.

Once Harry regained his composure he gestured to the stairs.

"Shall we?"

--

Harry's room was a haze, filled with smoke from the gooey green ganja that the three youths were smoking. A slight breeze from the window occasionally made the haze dance about the room majestically.

Music was playing softly in the background as Harry was telling a tale of tragic woe.

"And that my friends. Is why legalizing weed would single handedly bring us out of recession… not to mention it would be fucking epic."

Dudley gave a snort, while Karen giggled moving closer to Harry's side as she passed the joint they were smoking to Dudley.

"You are so smart Harry" Karen cooed running her hand over Harry's shoulder.

"I know I am babe." Harry replied with a grin before taking the joint from Dudley to take a long deep hit, unaware that Dudley's bloodshot eyes were squinting in disgust at Karen's closeness to Harry.

"You know I'm Junior Heavyweight Inter-School Boxing Champion of the Southeast!" Dudley exclaimed suddenly in a last ditch effort to get more attention.

The room seemed to grow quiet for a few moments as Harry and Karen just stared at Dudley.

"Ok, thanks for sharing that Dudley… as if your dad hasn't been telling me that all summer." Harry finally said in a rather sarcastic, yet mocking tone.

"Boxing Champion?" Karen said her eyebrows raised as a smirk came across her face. "Is that why you beat up Mark Evans? Honing your skills, were you?"

"What? No, I mean yes, I mean… um…" Dudley began to sputter.

"Dude, you beat up Mark Evans? He is like ten." Harry said with a shake of his head.

"You weren't there! He cheeked me!" Dudley shouted. Karen started to giggle as Harry went on the attack.

"He cheeked you… so you beat the tar of him? Christ Duds the kid was ten. I'm sure you could probably have looked at him funny and he would have ran." Harry said mocking Dudley and dragging him through the coals.

Dudley glared in response.

"Yeah, that look right there would do." Harry commented as Karen broke out in fits.

--

Harry continued to take jabs at Dudley, while Karen rolled about laughing until a soft thud caught her attention.

"Did you hear that?" She whispered. "Are your parents home?"

Dudley and Harry both looked at her with confused expression.

"I didn't hear anything, but if there was a noise it was probably just Hedwig flying into the window. Told her to leave before we started to smoke. Don't worry she hits the window all the time, she'll be fine." Harry offered up as an explanation to the noise he hadn't even heard.

"No! I'm sure it was from inside." Karen retorted and a few seconds later the sound of glass breaking could be heard coming from downstairs.

All three froze for a moment and then as quick as a flash Harry turned the soft playing music off and hit the lights.

"No way can that be your parents Dud. Way to early." Harry whispered.

"Then who?" Karen asked her voice filled with an edge of panic.

"Police?" Dudley whispered his eyes filled with dread.

"Don't be stupid the bobbies wouldn't be breaking in. I'm thinking burglars." Harry whispered.

The reaction was immediate Karen began whispering erratically "what are we going to do?" and Dudley's eye grew wide and darted from the door to Harry as if trying to come up with a plan. Harry remained calm and collective.

"Calm down babe, I've got a plan." Harry said in a soothing manner. Karen stopped her jittering and stared at Harry waiting and Dudley did the same.

"Dudley…" Harry said quietly.

"Go down there and take care of them."

The room was quiet and the only sound that could be heard were muffled voices from the intruders below.

"Me? Why me?" Dudley replied finally breaking the silence.

Harry rolled his eyes "You're the Inter-School Boxing Champion."

Karen looked on in disbelief thinking Dudley couldn't be that stupid, but as Dudley's eyes darted to her he seemed to puff up his chest, nod, and slowly make his way to the door.

Before Karen knew it Harry was by her side.

"Ok babe, while Dudley gets the piss taken out of him, we escape through the window." Harry whispered jabbing his thumb in the direction of the window.

Karen looked at Harry with a shocked expression, but before she could respond Dudley had opened the door to Harry's room and let out a shriek causing both her and Harry to look on.

--

A dark figure cloaked in black loomed in the doorway menacingly as Dudley had let out a shriek. Harry and Karen looked on and saw Dudley lean back and with all his might take a furious swing at the figure.

The figure let out a groan and tumbled from view letting out moans as Harry heard him tumble down the steps to the landing in between the top floor and ground floor.

Karen and Harry both looked on in awe as Dudley turned just as shocked holding his fist up ecstatically. Harry left Karen's side and made his way to the door out into the hallway, while Dudley followed.

Harry peeked down at the figure and his face contorted with shock and confusion. Dudley stood at his side swelling with pride.

"Holy shit Dudley you killed Crouch, but… Crouch is dead…" Harry muttered completely perplexed.

Dudley didn't get a chance to answer as a new figure arrived up on the landing. She was rather attractive, Harry noted. Heart-shaped face, twinkling eyes, body that wouldn't quit, the only flaw Harry could see was her rather short ugly dyed hair.

The woman silently looked down at the crumpled figure then up to Harry and Dudley. She did this a few times before holding out her arms out in exclamation.

"What'd you do?"

"Filthy burglars." Dudley replied menacingly.

"What the hell is Crouch doing here?" Harry asked the woman.

A familiar voice from below answer as it approached the landing.

"That isn't Crouch Harry, that is actually the real Alastor Moody."

Harry paused for a moment.

"Remus?"

--

**End Chapter**

**Welcome back fellow readers. First off the title, as of now is this, but I have been thinking of changing it to HP and order of the Chronic. If you wish drop a pm or review with your preference.**

**Second topic. I noticed a lot of people complaining about the I-pod and dates. This story is meant to be an over the top laugh. It is not meant in anyway to be serious. Hence, timelines and dates are not going to be bothered with.**

**And last since I know the grammar from the last one was pretty bad I'm thinking about taking on a beta. The beta would pretty much just be grammar and maybe introducing us to some Euro style slang (that is what I'm looking for at least). The only problem is updating will be much slower (at least from my experience). So I ask once again if you have a preference leave it in a pm or review. **

**So much for the intro to the next story. **


	2. Only the Best Protect Harry

**Harry Potter and the Order of the Chronic**

**Only the Best Protect Harry**

**I don't own any of the characters, all JKR, no profit to be made.**

--

"Who the hell are all these people?"

"Well, Harry. They are your guard." Remus pointed out as he and Tonks struggled with a staggering Moody whose nose was bleeding profusely.

"Guard? What the hell do I need a guard for? Hell, why the hell are you even here?" Harry asked despite the onlookers, whom supposedly made up his guard.

"Dumbledore said you might be less than cooperative, but he figured with recent events your views might have changed." Remus said as he studied Harry's body posture.

Harry didn't respond as he stared at Remus with nothing, but confusion and annoyance.

"Harry, we did send owls you know, but you never responded. So we just assumed you were going along with the plan." The violet hair witch said breaking the silence.

"What ow…ls…" Harry began to ask as his mind wandered to the various post messages that remained unopened in his room. Only those sent by Fleur and Rita had been opened, all others tossed to the side.

"Ok, never mind then, but still doesn't explain why Dumbledore sent you guys?" Harry replied sharply. The only reason Harry could figure was Dumbledore wanted to silence him. His recent interviews with Skeeter had surely been published. Harry had gone on a rant about Dumbledore's views on the subject of Voldemort as well as go into more details of his life and enjoyments. Of course leaving those of questionable legality out.

"Have you been keeping up with the news Harry?" The violet hair witch asked.

"Been making plenty of news that's for sure." A rather large black bald headed wizard said rather harshly.

"Kingsley." Remus retorted giving the black bald wizard a stern look. Harry found it curious that the man would back down from Remus, being Kingsley was twice as big. Harry was sure if it had been him coming up the stairs Dudley would have been dead after throwing that punch.

"Well… no. I mean who has time for the news in the wizard world? I mean come on no television, not even a web page! It's like fucking stoned age." Harry said and chortled at his pun.

The violet haired witch gave Remus a grim look. Remus replied with a grim look of his own as sweat began to form on his brow.

"Well, Harry we assumed you had heard, but… I mean we didn't know that you didn't know what happened." Remus said rather nervously.

"Well what the hell happened. I suppose these are those recent events that you mentioned earlier? So spit it out." Harry exclaimed with open arms.

"I don't think now is the time and place Harry. We shall explain once we get you safely to the Order." Remus replied with a sigh.

"Who the hell said I was going anywhere? I got things to do. Big date coming up in a week or so, I can't be distracted by this rubbish about Tommy Boy." Harry said with a lazy flick of his wrist.

"You are coming with us Potter." Kingsley spat in a bold and deep manner.

"Says who?" Harry replied in a rare show of bravery knowing the man before him could pound the piss out of him.

"Enough!" Remus shouted before Kingsley could reply and make the atmosphere in the room anymore tense.

"Not to worry Harry, we will be going to London." Remus said with a sly grin finally coming to his face.

Harry perked his head up immediately. London was where he had been planning on going anyway. He had to pick up a cell phone for Fleur; owl post was just not cutting it. Then he had planned to visit Fleur on and help her move into her apartment so she could start her new job.

"London you say?" Harry said trying to play it coy.

"Don't bother, Sirius already told me what you were up to." Remus said breaking up in plots Harry might have been building up in his mind.

Harry scowled. "You've been talking with that mangy mutt, haven't you?"

"Indeed I have." Remus laughed.

Harry stretched out his arms giving a slight groan "Well then I'll just go get my things and we can be off."

"I can help you. Be much quicker if we use magic." The violet haired witch offered.

Harry paused and gave the shorthaired witch a look. "Who the hell are you anyway?"

"Tonks." She replied.

"Tonks? Just Tonks?" Harry asked his eyebrow raised.

"Don't like my first name." She answered with a scowl.

"Well Tonks, I can't have you going up in my room because there is a muggle other than my cousin up there. And number two… I say this with all due respect, but that hair has to go. I mean short and spiky? Are you a dyke or something?" Harry said with a shake of his head as he vanished upstairs to pack.

The group of witches and wizards remained quiet other than Moody's occasional groan, while Harry went up stairs to pack.

"Do I really look like a dyke?" Tonks finally said looking about rather defensively.

All the other witches and wizards quickly seemed to take an interest in all the Dursley's amazing muggle gadgets, all, but one.

"Yeah you do." Kingsley muttered.

--

"What the hell happened here?" Harry said dragging his trunk into the kitchen.

Kingsley was laying on the ground a bloodied nose, while Remus had Tonks pinned into a corner whispering into her ear, apparently trying to calm her. No one seemed to be paying any attention to Harry at all.

"I didn't know she could throw a waffle iron that far." One of the wizards mumbled.

"What is a waffle iron?" Another wizard asked.

"That is." A witch replied pointing at bloodied waffle iron at Kingsley's feet.

Harry sighed and sat down at the kitchen table letting his trunk fall to his side. First Dudley and Karen making out as he went up to pack apparently pleased by Dudley's brave act. _Damned that Hermione always being right_!

Not only that, but he had a group of rather inept wizards about to escort him to London. Harry doubted whether they could even find the place. Harry didn't think this day could possibly get any worse.

"I'll… I'll kill that stupid boy!" Moody shouted rising from the floor apparently coming around enough to comprehend what had happened to him earlier.

Moody staggered forward his wand outstretched as he stumbling toward the exit in his attempt to extract revenge against Dudley for the face bashing he had received.

"Moody stop!" Remus said as he made his way over to Moody wrestling him to the ground. Whatever he had been whispering to Tonks hadn't calmed her down any because as soon as Remus vanished she pounced on Kingsley like a jungle cat would pounce on its prey.

Harry sighed resting his head in his hands. "They better hope I'm right on Voldemort or we are all dead."

Harry wasn't given anytime to mentally think on the matter as the kitchen light flickered on and a loud shriek erupted from the door. Harry along with the tangle of fighting witches and wizards looked up to see Aunt Petunia her hand just before her mouth in shock. Harry's uncle Vernon was soon by her side, his face growing red with shock and anger.

"What are all these freaks doing here?" Vernon shouted clearly angry.

Harry could really only think of one thing to say to diffuse the situation.

"Scatter!"

Witches and wizards were dashing here and there making for the exits as Vernon chased them about waving his pudgy fists menacingly, while Petunia had some how come up with a mop which she brandished as if it were a spear.

--

"I was wondering what happened. I mean I sent up the all ready sparks nearly thirty minutes before you guys came out." A wizard spoke as he flew alongside Remus, while Harry trailed behind them next to a disgruntled Tonks. Apparently the rest of the guard had gotten lost in the chaos of the abrupt exit.

"Well, like I said. Things just didn't go according to plan." Remus said defensively. Harry was sure he saw Remus throw a glance back at himself and Tonks as he spoke.

"Not going to tell me what happened are you?" The wizard said with a disappointed look.

"Just get back into formation." Remus replied with a heavy sigh.

They flew in a triangle type formation with Harry in the middle. It wasn't till they saw the lights of London ahead that Harry flew up to Remus's side. He held out a yellowed sheet of paper with one hand.

Remus looked at it warily, but snatched the paper and attempted to read it as they flew.

"I don't understand? A menu?" Remus muttered loudly amidst the wind.

"Chinese menu." Harry corrected Remus with a grin.

As they began to descend on one of the many streets of London Remus just shook his head trying to understand.

Harry laughed as they touched down.

"Walking through the streets of Soho in the rain."

--

**End Chapter**

**Curious to see if anyone got that, you know what I'm talking about.**

**Anyway title is officially Harry Potter and Order of the Chronic. And unless my readers seriously get sick of the grammar and what not, there will be no beta to ensure quicker updates. **


	3. Order of the Phoenix

**Harry Potter and the Order of the Chronic**

**Order of the Phoenix**

**I don't own any of the characters, all JKR, no profit to be made.**

--

"Where the hell are we anyway?" Harry muttered looking about the dilapidated street in London.

Broken windows seemed to be the norm of the buildings around them. Streetlamps were broken, graffiti tagged various buildings and trash piles here and there didn't seem uncommon.

"Headquarters of course." Tonks replied in a rather chipper tone apparently losing her animosity for Harry.

"Headquarters? Headquarters for what… anti-gang unit or something? Look at this place, a filthy fucking dump. I'm surprised we haven't been shot or mugged yet." Harry said waving his arms at the run down street.

"Sure do whine a lot don't you boy." A familiar voice snarled from behind, causing Harry to jump a bit as he turned to see Moody and a couple of other wizards touching down to the pavement.

"Just stating it like it is." Harry muttered regaining his composure. "How's the nose Moody?"

Moody glared at Harry for a moment before reaching into his pocket and grumpily handed Harry a worn piece of parchment.

"Um thanks? Black spot or something?" Harry said holding the crumpled piece of parchment in his hand.

"No Harry, read it." Remus replied as Moody stalked off toward the door.

_The headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix may be found at number twelve, Grimmauld Place, London._

"What the hell is the Order of the…" Harry began to ask, but was quickly cut off.

"Not here boy! Wait till we're inside." Moody snarled.

Harry was about to ask inside where, but a building seemed to pop out of nowhere between buildings eleven and thirteen. Harry stared at the building in its less than welcoming appearance.

"Ok, Order of the…"

"I said not here boy or are your ears filled with to much wax?" Moody growled in a much harsher tone as he snatched the piece of parchment from Harry's hand, burning it.

Harry gave Remus a questioning look. Remus chuckled a bit.

"He is worried that spies might be listening in."

Harry rolled his eyes as a grin slowly came to his face.

"You know no one is listening in. Look at this area no one cares." Harry called out at Moody who was clunking his way towards the door ignoring Harry.

"Fine, Order of the Phoenix here! You hear me right here! Order of the fucking Phoenix!" Harry shouted pointing his finger in the direction of Grimmauld Place. He would have shouted more, but Moody appeared to be quite agile even with a peg leg and was upon him in a moment.

"I said shut it boy!" Moody growled harshly grabbing Harry by the front of his shirt.

Harry and Moody glared at each other for a few moments before Moody finally let go of his shirt stumping away fuming.

"Told you no one cared." Harry muttered to his back.

"Shut the fuck up out there!" A voice sounded from one of the buildings followed by a few other voices uttering similar threats.

Harry paused giving each of those with him a grin before shrugging.

"Well at least they care if we are annoying enough."

--

Just as Harry expected the inside of the house was just as run down as the streets outside.

"Who the fuck lives here? This place is dump." Harry muttered with a sigh.

"Quiet now Harry we don't want to…" Remus began to whisper, but Harry seemed to have enough of being told to be quiet.

"I swear if one more person tells me to be quiet and not tell me what the hell is going…" Harry began to shout, but quieted as a loud shrieking erupted from down the hall a ways. "What the fuck is that?"

"He told you to be quiet." Tonks muttered with a sly grin.

Harry shot her a disgruntled look before wandering down the hall ignoring everyone else. He came upon a portrait of an older woman screaming and shouting obscenities.

"_Vile Scum! Filthy freaks, mutants, begone from this place!" _The voice shriek as Harry approached a curtained portion of the hall that could have passed for a door, but instead he came upon a portrait of a woman, and in his opinion not a very attractive woman.

"_Bah, leave filthy brat besmirching my home!"_

"Calm down you psycho nutty bitch."

"_Ah… you dare? You worthless scum of the earth!" _

"Scum of the earth… I like the sound of that." Harry muttered pondering the thought.

"Still doesn't change the fact that you madam are a dirty whore."

"_Worthless brat! Son of a mudblood whore! Not worth the..."_

Before the crazy woman in the portrait could finish a figure dressed in black moved in front of Harry pulling the drapes around the portrait closed, silencing the woman.

Sirius Black closed the drapes and turned expecting the worst from his Godson, but as he turned Harry was grinning back at him.

"What's so funny?"

"I like her, got a mouth like sailor." Harry replied before giving Sirius a hug and slap on the back.

"Missed you to." Sirius muttered ruffling Harry's hair as he pulled away.

Harry pulled away still grinning "How you doing you old pirate? So good to see you, what are you doing here?"

Sure enough the portrait began its ranting again and Sirius silenced it once again before Harry could begin another shouting match with it.

"Well Harry. I'm here because this is my house."

Harry gave Sirius a quizzical look. "You live here? Ever thought of hiring a decorator? Maybe just moving the area isn't that good you know and with the market the way it is you could get a good deal."

"Oh come now Harry, if I were to move how would I visit my mother's portrait." Sirius replied sarcastically as he lead him away from the hall, attempting to avoid another of his mother's outburst.

"That nutter bitch is you mom?"

"Indeed." Sirius answered gravely. "Been trying to get her down for ages, but apparently she put a permanent sticking charm on her portrait probably just to spite me even now that she's dead."

"Mother issues?" Harry asked innocently with a hint of mockery.

"Shut it." Sirius said giving Harry a playful slap on the back of his head.

"So if you really don't like your mother's portrait that much why don't you just cut the wall out around the portrait?" Harry asked.

Sirius didn't reply as they slowly walked along before shrugging.

"You could probably cut the picture out or maybe even just burn it. I find that very effective when dealing with these magical portraits." Harry said remembering the moronic knight Cadogan.

Sirius replied with another shrug.

"You didn't think of it did you?" Harry muttered with smirk.

"Hey, I've been busy… You know using this dump as a hideout and cleaning. Lots of that going on." Sirius answered sternly.

"And you were probably blitzed out of your skull." Harry added on.

"Yeah that to." Sirius said with no denial.

"Knew it. Stoned mutt." Harry said as he and Sirius shared a laugh at an empty part of a hallway in the upper regions of the Grimmauld Place. After finishing their laugh Sirius casually strolled past Harry opening a window and lighting up a smoke. Harry joined him leaning against the opposite wall.

"So how come you haven't been replying to your letters. You've had everyone worried." Sirius asked puffing on his cigarette.

"Out of date. Haven't these people heard of the phone or internet? I haven't got time to read." Harry muttered as if the owl post was a terrible inconvenience.

"Haven't been calling me I've noticed. I think your brain has been addled with all that comedy you've been playing with that girl of yours." Sirius said with a slick smile on his face.

"Shut it!" Harry said jabbing at his Godfather. The two began a playful match of jabbing at one another when the sound of footsteps began to approach. Sirius froze and as quick as flash flicked his cigarette out the open in window and with one look, Harry did the same. A moment later a pudgy Mrs. Weasley rounded the far corner of the hall.

"Sirius Black!" Mrs. Weasley shouted giving a sniff of the air.

"I know you've been smoking I can smell it as clear as day! No better than that Mundgus Fletcher and worse with Harry right here!" Mrs. Weasley shouted her hand poking at Sirius's chest as she approached.

Sirius backed away blubbering out excuses as the enraged Mrs. Weasley jabbed at him.

"It wasn't him Mrs. Weasley. It was me. I swear it." Harry said from behind her.

Mrs. Weasley turned giving his a soft motherly look. "Oh Harry dear, no need to cover for him. He knows better. Such behavior is uncalled for." Mrs. Weasley finished by giving Harry a furiously big hug, which Harry returned while he shot Sirius a few mocking faces.

"And you!" Mrs. Weasley said harshly rounded on Sirius.

"You need to get to the meeting! They are waiting for you down there." Mrs. Weasley said to Sirius, whose face was going red. Not because of Mrs. Weasley, but because Harry was mocking him grinding his hips in an unceremonious way and raising his arm whirling it around in a whipping motion.

"Harry dear, I know this must be hard for you? I mean he was a friend of yours after all. Not to worry Dumbledore will get it all sorted out." Mrs. Weasley said rounding on Harry again.

Harry gave Mrs. Weasley a curious look. "Mrs. Weasley I'm not sure what you're talking about."

"You haven't heard Harry?" Sirius asked from behind Mrs. Weasley.

Harry shook his head in response.

"Oh dear." Mrs. Weasley said her face faltering into worry.

"What is going on?" Harry said his curiosity and frustration growing.

"Meetings starting!" Someone shouted from below.

"Oh dear, not to worry Ron and Hermione are here and can explain. I thought you would have known." Mrs. Weasley said softly running her hand affectionately through Harry's hair as she began to leave dragging Sirius along.

"Wait what? What happened?" Harry called out in complete confusion.

"Down the hall third door on the right dear." Mrs. Weasley called back and then they were gone.

Harry shrugged in complete confusion.

--

"I don't understand why we aren't allowed in is all?"

"Same reason every time Ron. You're to young." Ginny said trying to inmate her mother's voice.

"Well they must have their reasons for not letting us in." Hermione chimed in bent over a piece of parchment writing furiously on a piece of parchment. Something that didn't go unnoticed.

"Who are you writing to? Vickie again." Ron snorted with disgust.

"If you must know I'm writing to Harry, not Viktor." Hermione shot back.

"Oh… what for? He hasn't responded to any of our letters." Ron murmured.

"Well you dolt. Maybe because that is what this meeting is all about." Ginny shot back at Ron.

Ron began grumbling something, but soon quieted as footsteps echoed in the hall coming their way, but stopped… a room away. The group listened quietly and heard a quick grunt and then a crack as the door to the room next to them cracked up.

"Have no fear… fuck."

The group listened as the footsteps sounded again to the front of their door. Then with a loud crack the door swung open and in marched Harry.

"Have no fear! Harry Potter is here!" Harry exclaimed loudly his fist raised high into the air as if in triumph.

Harry's grin slowly faded as he lowered his fist staring at his trio of friends who stared back mouth's agape.

"What?" Harry muttered before he could say anything else Hermione was on him like a hyena attacking a wounded gazelle. Her fists pounding on him as he valiantly attempted to fend her off.

"Hermione what the fuck. Get off me! Get off me!"

"You dumb idiot! You and that stupid Skeeter woman!" Hermione shouted as Ron pried her away, fists still flailing.

"What did we do?" Harry asked, but in response Ginny was now slapping at him.

"What the fuck? Get off me! Crazy bitches must be PMS or something." Harry shouted, as he eventually was able to grab Ginny by the wrist and then wrap his arms around her holding her tightly despite her struggles.

"Oh please no response to any of our letters even after what happened! You had us all worried sick and you are playing dumb?" Hermione shouted.

"Listen, the letters ok maybe I was ass, but seriously what the fuck happened. I keep hearing about this big event, but what was it?" Harry asked.

Ginny stopped struggling and gave Harry a look of disbelief. "Haven't you been reading the Dailey Prophet?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "No."

Hermione stopped her struggling against Ron and all three shared a look.

"Am I missing something?" Harry asked again.

"Harry…" Hermione said in a much different tone, her voice suddenly filled with concern. "It's something…"

"What Hermione? Spit it out already." Harry said waiting for this big ordeal he probably wouldn't care about to be over with.

"Something happened…"

"Ok and?" Harry muttered.

Hermione looked uncomfortably to the rest of her friends and seemed to struggle to find words, but luckily Ginny came to her aide.

"Harry something happened to Cedric. Cedric Diggory." Ginny said in a rather blunt, but compassionate manner.

Harry stood frozen a few moments before realizing his jaw was hanging open.

"What happened to Chaz?"

--

**End Chapter**


	4. Order of the Chronic

**Harry Potter and the Order of the Chronic**

**Order of the Chronic**

**I don't own any of the characters, all JKR, no profit to be made.**

"Well just don't stand gawking! What the hell happened to Chaz?" Harry shouted at Ron, Hermione, and Ginny.

"I'm sorry about before Harry, we thought you knew." Hermione said breathlessly.

"That doesn't answer the question!" Harry spat back.

"Didn't you read any of our letters?" Ron asked.

"No. I didn't I didn't get them or whatever. It doesn't matter. Someone start making with answers." Harry said trying to avoid another conversation about why he hadn't read his owl mail.

"Well Professor Dumbledore thinks it was a possession attempt gone bad." Ginny suddenly spoke.

"A what?"

Ginny rolled her eyes. "Dumbledore thinks someone tried to possess Cedric, but didn't do a good job of it and well…" Ginny let her voice trail off.

"Is he dead?"

"No he is at St. Mungo's. That is all we know. The Prophet has been otherwise hush, hush about the situation." Ginny said.

"What do you mean?" Harry said skeptically.

"Harry if you had paid attention to the news you would realize the Prophet is keeping a lot of things quiet. They didn't want to many details released on the story because Dumbledore thinks You-Know-Who is behind it. Cedric was a good friend of yours and who better to possess to gain access to you." Hermione burst out from the side.

"And those stories you gave to Rita Skeeter sure haven't been helping mate. All that rubbish about You-Know-Who not being back and Dumbledore attempting to take over the Ministry and what not." Ron voiced out just after Hermione.

Harry stood frozen slowly shaking his head. "Your all off your rockers. Believing that Old Codger! And Chaz… it can't be! Rotten kids… you work your life out. Work your whole heart out…" Harry said collapsing to the ground running his hands through his messy hair.

Ron, Hermione, and Ginny sat there staring at Harry's unmoving form for several minutes. Harry just laid there, face down hands clenched in his hair.

"You think he is ok?" Ron grunted.

Hermione shot Ron a worried look in response.

Ginny rolled her eyes and went over and grabbed Harry by the shoulders dragging him upright. "It isn't like Cedric's dead or anything Harry. George and Fred have been doing their best to listen in on the Order's meetings and from what they heard, Cedric seems to be stable, just non-responsive."

Harry craned his neck and shot Ginny a glare. "Great so he is a vegetable… you know if I could be a vegetable I'd be a carrot."

"Err… right Harry." Ginny replied in confusion.

"Still this is a very big deal. You just don't understand. Chaz was just so loyal." Harry said snapping his fingers. "Snap of a finger and he was there. Not to mention I got us Halloween costumes already. I was going to be Maverick and he was going to Goose. Now what am I supposed to do? Make Ron Goose?" Harry said with a shake of his head.

"Well I don't know what you are talking about Harry, but if all you're worried about is a costume…" Ginny didn't get to finish before Harry rambled on.

"Then there is the issue of muscle. Without Chaz around I'm going to have to find someone just as loyal who can handle my more physical and unpleasant affairs. Remember that whole incident with Wood! If that happened now I'd get my arse handed to me and that is unacceptable!" Harry said harshly.

"I'm sorry Harry, but aren't you being a bit conceited?" Hermione asked her tone somewhat defiant.

"How dare you Hermione! I plan on going to see Chaz in the hospital and make sure he gets the finest treatment money can buy, but as you can see my issues are more pressing at the moment." Harry said with a sure nod of his head.

Hermione stared at Harry, her mouth agape in disbelief. "You are such an arse! I can't believe you would say that? What is the matter with you Harry? Are you really…" Hermione quieted as Harry raised a waggling finger for quiet as a thought occurred to him.

"Sorry to interrupt your whining Hermione, but a thought has just come to me. If Chaz is incapacitated that means Chang is available." Harry muttered more to himself than the others.

"Harry!" Hermione shrieked her fists clenched, and her face growing red.

"Yeah?" Harry responded in a nonchalant manner.

Hermione didn't respond she just stood there glaring at him before finally tossing her hair and making her way to the window while her body seemed to shiver in rage. After a few moments Ginny joined her as they began to whisper mutinously together.

Harry shrugged as his eyes rested on a confused looking Ron.

"I don't get it mate? Aren't you with Fleur still?" Ron asked.

Harry chuckled. "Ron I believe the French have a term I'd like to use. Menage a trios."

"What's a minage er a twa?" Ron muttered confused.

"Well Ron let me explain." Harry said taking a seat next to Ron and putting an arm around his shoulder. "When a man loves a woman… in this case multiple women he wants to…"

"Hey meetings over." A familiar voice came from the door interrupting Harry.

"And our dear mother said it is time to eat." Another familiar voice sounded.

"Ah, Fred, George long time." Harry said as he got up and greeted the Twins.

"I'm actually George, he's Fred." One of the Twins said with a nod of his head to the other.

Harry familiar with this trick shrugged. "I don't give a fuck. Let's eat I'm so hungry I could eat a horse."

"What's up with them sausages Sirius?"

"Were not eating sausages Harry. I told you that already." Sirius answered back with a sigh as Harry continued to eat Mrs. Weasley's cooking.

"Tonks, I see you look much better than before. Lost the dyke look." Harry said turning his attention to the young more normal looking auror, however he cringed back as Tonks turned to face him with a rather squashed up nose.

"What the hell did you do to yourself?"

"Nothing Harry." Tonks replied as nose morphed back into its original position. "I'm a metamorphmagus."

Harry stared blankly at her for a moment then shrugged in confusion.

"It means I can change my appearance. It is a really rare gift. It is one of the reas…"

"Listen calm down there missy. I didn't ask for your life story." Harry said interrupting her.

Tonks proceeded to give Harry a rather ugly scowl before turning back to Ginny and Hermione apparently giving them a laugh by changing her facial appearance.

"Psshh… want to impress me I know something you can change." Harry grumbled to himself.

"What's up with them sausages Sirius?" Harry called out again.

"I told you. No damn sausages!" Sirius answered back. "Worse than your father."

Harry shook his head in confusion. "It was five minutes till they were ready, ten minutes ago."

Sirius pushed his plate away and rested his head into his arms as he leaned onto the table.

Harry chuckled in glorious victory.

"So Mrs. Weasley excellent cooking once again, but I couldn't help notice you had virtually no help in the kitchen?" Harry muttered giving Mrs. Weasley a sweet boyish look.

"Well I'm glad you enjoyed it Harry dear. As for the cooking I don't need any help, I have it all under control." Mrs. Weasley answered giving Tonks a nervous look.

"Let me guess, they got you cleaning this place all by yourself as well?" Harry asked with a sure nod.

"That isn't true. We have been helping." Ron interjected.

Harry gave Ron a curious look "As I was saying all by yourself…"

"No Ron was telling the truth all the boys as well as Hermione and Ginny have been helping make this house more hospitable for the Order." Mrs. Weasley said in a reassuring voice.

"Mrs. Weasley I know the cleaning capability of these people… and it is pitiful at best. And since a certain non-making sausage fellow refuses to hire a decorator I can offer my services in this matter." Harry replied.

"Well that would be wonderful Harry. Another helping hand is always useful. Tomorrow we plan on tackling the doxies living in the window curtains." Mrs. Weasley said with a motherly glow to her face.

Sirius groaned into the table pitifully.

"Excellent Mrs. Weasley." Harry said before clearing his throat.

"Dobby!"

A moment later a loud crack sounded and there stood the infamous house elf dressed in a small slicked out suit, but still kneeled into a low bow before Harry.

"Yous'd called Harry Potter sir?" Dobby asked.

"Yes I did… nice suit Dobby." Harry said giving the elf a slap of the hand.

"This house is in disarray. I need it spotless within a week and for that I'll give you a generous bonus." Harry said.

"Yes sir great Harry Potter." Dobby said in another bow.

"That is all Dobby… you may go now… and take Winky wherever you were going." Harry muttered with a shrug.

"Oh Harry dear you don't have to do that." Mrs. Weasley said in earnest.

"Not a problem Mrs. Weasley. He likes it. Besides I pay him well." Harry said with a nod.

"Winky and Dobby are dating?" Hermione asked from across the table, as though this was important information she should have been told.

"Well I'm assuming being he is all dressed up and what have you." Harry muttered with a roll of his eyes as if this line of conversation was unimportant.

"Anything else Hermione?" Harry asked in a cool manner.

Hermione gave Harry a suspicious look before settling down in her seat once again. It was silent for a moment before Mr. Weasley finally spoke up.

"So Harry. How has your summer been?"

Harry kicked back in his chair. "Been good. Hanging out, doing stuff, the usual."

"So when does Fleur get into London?" Bill Weasley asked taking a seat next to his father as Mrs. Weasley began clearing the table.

Harry narrowed his eyes as he leaned forward in his chair eyeing up the eldest son of the Weasley's. "A couple of days Billy. Not that it really matters to you. Figured I would go see Cedric when I go see her and help her move in… being I'm the boyfriend." Harry finished rather harshly.

Before Bill could reply Mr. Weasley spoke. "Umm… Harry I don't know if anyone told you, but… well." Mr. Weasley rubbed his hands nervously together. "Dumbledore said you were not to leave this house unless accompanied by Order members."

Harry rested his vision on Mr. Weasley then his eyes darted to Sirius who seemed to be straining his focus elsewhere.

"What do you mean not leave without Order members? What am I some sort of prisoner? Listen that old codger can conjure up his stories all he likes, but I'm going to be going out. I've got places to go and people to see." Harry said heatedly as he rose from his sitting position.

"I'm sorry Harry we can't let you. It is for your own protection." Mr. Weasley reaffirmed in a slightly more stern voice.

"Sirius help me out here!" Harry said his voice growing louder.

"Sorry Harry… he talked me into it." Sirius said in a quiet sulking voice. Though brief Sirius leaned his head back and gave Harry a reassuring wink.

Harry maintained his composure before finally letting his shoulder slump. "I can see I'm outmatched here, if anyone needs me I guess I'll be in my room."

As Harry began to leave Bill caught his arm. "Yeah, don't worry Harry, one of us adults can help Fleur move in." Bill said very quietly with a wink.

With that Harry stalked off back upstairs.

"Mate?" Ron asked sticking his head into Harry's darkened room. Before Ron knew it a hand was around his mouth dragging him into the room.

"Stop struggling Ron. It's just me."

"Harry! Why did you grab me?" Ron asked in a rather tense voice.

"So you didn't scream out like a little girl of course." Harry replied as if Ron should know better.

"Well why are you sitting by the door in the dark?" Ron asked.

"Waiting to hear your Mom and Dad go to bed."

"Why?"

Harry rolled his eyes with a sigh.

"So we can go get high. Why else?"

A couple of hours had passed before Harry, Ron, and the Twins made their decent back downstairs into the kitchen.

"Harry? Ron? Fred? Geo… hmph." Tonk's words were muffled as Sirius placed a hand over her mouth before she could ask what they were doing here. He brought a finger to his lips and made a shh motion then nodded his head to the back door that lead to a small backyard area.

Harry led the trio of boys out back, while Sirius and Tonks shared a few harsh whispers. Outback Lupin was already seated along with a dirty pile of rags Harry had noticed at dinner.

"Hey Lupin. Thanks for sticking up for me in there." Harry said giving his former professor a slap on the back.

Lupin chuckled a bit. "Harry Sirius and myself already knew what Dumbledore wanted and we knew there was no point in arguing it."

"So hang me out to dry. Brilliant strategy." Harry muttered unimpressed.

"To little faith in us." Lupin replied.

"Oh, then what is your almighty plan?" Harry asked.

Lupin gave a small shrug. "Just ignore what Dumbledore said."

Harry pondered the thought for a moment. "I like it."

"Hear that!" George said giving Lupin a clap on the shoulder.

"He likes your plan." Fred said slapping Lupin's other shoulder.

"So why does Sirius keep dragging around this bag of rags everywhere?" Harry said jabbing a finger into the bag of dirty rags next to Lupin.

"Ey! Watch it will yah?" The rags replied.

"Holy shit!" Harry said jumping back. "It's alive!"

Lupin chuckled.

"That is Mundungus Fletcher." Sirius said as he shut the door to the kitchen after being followed out by a rather disgruntled looking Tonks.

"Yah, tha right." Mundungus replied.

"Christ, you could be a ninja. No idea you were even a person. All Metal Gear Solid and shit." Harry said starring at Mundungus.

"Ah, Harry Dung is quite an investment." George said with a nod popping up besides Harry.

"He has agreed to help supply us in our triple joint business venture." Fred said popping up on Harry's other side.

"He also is an adequate supplier in other things." Sirius said giving Harry a sly smile.

Harry grinned. "Excellent, pleasure to meet you… Dung is it?"

"Tha is what they call me." Mundungus said extending his hand to shake Harry's.

"So Harry what has your summer really been like?" Sirius said taking a seat on Mundungus's other side as he began packing a bowl as a tight knit circle was formed.

"You know the usual, parties, smoking… more parties, me and Dud were thinking of meeting this guy Carlos from Mexico. Based in the States. Supposedly got some good shit." Harry muttered.

"You gotta be careful getting involved with people you don't know." Sirius said taking a hit from the bowl and then passing it to Harry.

Harry held it for a moment preparing to give the bowl a spark, but eyed Tonks suspiciously. "You cool?"

Tonks stared back at Harry with a look he couldn't quite make out.

"He wants to know if you get high?" Sirius said.

"I know what he meant!" Tonks said heatedly. "I just can't believe he wouldn't trust me! Especially after the way he treated me."

Harry snorted a bit then took a hit from the bowl and passed it along to Ron.

Harry let out a small cough as he blew the smoke from his lungs. "Whew that is some good shit."

"Yea, you need some before you head off to Ogwarts I'm the guy to talk to." Mundungus replied.

"You got it Dung. So Sirius what is this epic plan to keep the Order off me while I, you know go out?" Harry asked.

"I got…" Sirius was cut off as Lupin slapped him in the arm. Sirius rolled his eyes. "Sorry me and Lupin have a connection here in London. He is more than a handful for even a wizard or witch."

Harry nodded "Alright man I trust you."

"So Tonks… that metamorph thing… uhh does that apply everywhere?" Harry asked a sheepish grin plastered on his face.

"Shut it!" Tonks answered back.

A few hours later everyone was well baked.

"You know something this is fabulous." Ron said grabbing Harry by the shoulder in a fit of laughs.

"Damn right little buddy." Harry answered back. "Blazin the chronic with the almighty Order. Were doomed." Harry finished with a laugh, as did the rest of the group.

After the laughs died down Sirius piped up.

"Did you know I once saw a half man, half dolphin in Greece?"

"Why of course."

"We only heard about it."

"Every damn minute."

"Harry smoked."

"Last year."

The Twins said and it was silent for a few moments.

"Well he was damn right." Sirius said to a chorus of laughs.

"Hey Sirius…" Harry choked out between his laughs.

"Yeah?" Sirius asked.

"How long with them sausages?"

**End Chapter**

**Not my best, but seriously it took awhile to figure out where I wanted to go with this thing, being I really didn't have any intention of writing it. Still I think I know where I want to go. So next we got Fleur visit and maybe Cedric visit in one chapter or separate. Somewhere in there the naming of a prefect and then back to Hogwarts and everyone's favorite teacher. **

WaylaidWanderer **is also another fanfic writer and is going to take up the helm of writing the World War Z/HP crossover I just gave a brief short story on. I am personally looking forward to it.**


	5. Moving Day

**Harry Potter and the Order of the Chronic**

**Moving Day**

**I don't own any of the characters, all JKR, no profit to be made.**

Hermione stood outside Harry's bedroom door in Grimmauld Place listening to the rather disturbing sounds coming from his room. There would be a couple of furious grunts followed by heavy thuds and the occasional sounds of glass objects breaking.

Slowly Hermione raised her hand and gave a few light raps against the door. "Harry? Are you ok in there?" She asked quietly to the shut door.

"What?" Harry's shout sounded through the door.

"I asked if you were ok?" Hermione said a bit louder. "Mrs. Weasley told me to get you for breakfast."

The door to Harry's room flung open wildly and there stood Harry in boxers and drenched in sweat. "What was that Hermione? You gotta speak up."

Hermione just stared at Harry a few moments admiring him before she shook herself free of her daze. "Uh… What were you doing in there?" Hermione asked even though she meant to tell Harry about breakfast.

"Oh, well I was practicing a new spell I found out. Takes quite a lot of physical energy to wield it, but in the end it is rather epic. I call it the _bacchetta di morte_. It is sort of a transfiguration of the wand and it becomes well… never mind." Harry said thinking it was better to not discuss it, especially with Hermione.

"A new spell? Most people go their whole lives trying to come up with a new spell and you just came upon one? You have to show me!" Hermione said practically begging, as her eyes were agleam with curiosity and wonder.

Harry resigned himself to a sigh.

"Fine Hermione, but don't say I didn't warn you."

"Yeesh. I don't see why mom yells at us. Hermione said she'd get Harry." Ron muttered as he, Fred, and George trudged up the stairs towards Harry's room.

"Probably thinks Harry misses his old glasses." Fred muttered.

"Probably correct dear brother." George said with a nod.

"Glasses? What are you two on about?" Ron questioned completely confused.

"Nothing, nothing ickle Ronnie." Fred commented.

"You don't think mother might have noticed that it is taking Hermione an extremely long time to get back?" George said offhandedly with a slight grin.

"So?" Ron barked.

"And I'm sure our dear mother has noticed Harry's interest in the fairer sex has grown quite a bit…" Fred said his voice trailing off in the end.

Ron seemed to ponder this for a bit as they walked before he grasped what the Twins were saying and darted ahead in a run, much to the enjoyment of the Twins as they chortled with laughter.

Ron was closing in fast to Harry's bedroom door, but came to an abrupt halt as Hermione stepped out with a rather disgusted look on her face.

"I hardly call that epic new magic! That is, that is, that is just disturbing!" Hermione shouted. Hermione proceeded to march past Ron and the Twins who just arrived with quizzical looks.

"You just don't understand good magic Hermione!" Harry shouted after Hermione as he appeared in the doorway.

"Oh hey guys what's up?" Harry said with a sheepish grin. Ron and the Twins stared at Harry or what was clutched in his hands.

"What the hell is that?"

"Is that the new magic she was babbling about?"

"Epic."

Hermione gave one look back as the Twins and Ron disappeared into Harry's room chatting adamantly with one another. Hermione gave a disgusted grunt and muttered "Boys."

"Beats the hell out of a rubber chicken. C'mon Fred lets go try this out."

"Right behind you George. Time is galleons."

And with that the Twins vanished in a crack as they apparated to their own room. Ron just sat on the edge of Harry's bed his jaw seemed slack as he seemed to stare off into the distance.

"Uh, Ron something I could help you with?" Harry muttered slightly perplexed.

Ron seemingly shook himself from his fun.

"Wha… no, no. That was insane was that really a…?"

"Yes indeed it was. Epic." Harry said with a smirk as he lit up a smoke.

"So anything else? Cause I was kind of hoping to have a shower." Harry said taking a drag.

"No. Oh wait. Uh… mom said breakfast is ready… of course that was a while ago now, but she sent us to get you." Ron said rising from the bed heading to the door. "Don't worry though I'm sure mom will save you something."

"Tell her not to worry, I'm in a bit of a hurry. Heading over to Fleur's new place. You know move in day and all. Not to mention got to make a stop on the way." Harry said putting out his smoke.

"Wait, you were serious about leaving! Even after Dumbledore forbid you?" Ron asked in a scrutinous manner.

"Of course. Sirius and Remus said they had a plan." Harry replied with a laugh as though Ron were being silly.

"But what if they are wrong and you are caught? Dumbledore will go stark raving mad. Besides I'm sure mom won't just let you walk out the front door." Ron said earnestly.

"Dumbledore… psshhh I've got an Order of Merlin First Class and Ministry backing. He is as harmless as a pussycat. And I know your mom. Why do you think I had Dobby come do the cleaning? She will be watching over him like a hawk."

A few hours later and a few knocks on an apartment door near Diagon Alley.

"Babe!"

"Harry!"

Fleur practically dove into Harry's arms as the two embraced in many deep, long, and passionate kisses. Harry began trailing kisses down Fleur's neck as she giggled.

"Did you miss me Harry?"

"You have no idea babe." Harry mumbled as he let his hands roam around to Fleur's backside.

"I can tell." Fleur said with a giggle as she brought Harry's face up to hers and kissed him again.

"I thought you were going to help me move?" Fleur said in a sultry manner as she finally broke away from Harry's embrace.

"Place looks great." Harry mumbled.

Fleur raised an eyebrow in question. "I haven't even unpacked yet."

"Uh, yeah. I meant it will look great after we've unpacked." Harry muttered as he looked around the apartment. His eyes rested on one lowly looking box.

"Babe? Is this all you brought?" Harry said meandering over to the box.

Fleur nodded. "Why did I need more?"

"Well… I mean generally when one moves they bring… you know their life kind of with them." Harry muttered.

Fleur flashed Harry a grin, pulled out her wand and with a wave the box top flipped open and after a few more waves various objects and furniture began flying out of the box. Dishes filled kitchen cabinets and furniture landed in well-placed locations and then expanded in size. After about five minutes the job of unpacking was done.

"Well… I can see I was needed for this." Harry muttered grumpily as he sat down on a sofa.

"Aww. Don't feel bad Harry." Fleur cooed as she sat down next to him running her hands through his messy hair.

"I can move a bit of furniture out of place for you to move if it makes you feel more manly." Fleur said in a joking manner as she leaned in for a kiss, however Harry had become distracted as Fleur's lips touched the side of his cheek and not his lips.

"Actually babe, I am needed for this." Harry said softly as his vision darted around the room.

"I bet you are." Fleur muttered about to clamber onto Harry, but he abruptly rose from the sofa.

"Babe… you don't have a television… nor a PC… no consoles… not even a DVD player!" Harry said dashing towards the bedroom just to make sure he was correct.

"Your point?" Fleur asked somewhat confused.

Harry shot her a slick grin. "Point is… time to go shopping."

A few hours later as the sun began to go down over London Harry and Fleur were on their way back to her apartment. Fleur was studying her new cell phone and asking Harry how it worked, while Harry himself was carry several bags filled with many shrunken purchases ranging from a top of the line laptop computer to numerous DVD's for the large flat screen televisions.

"Babe." Harry muttered with a shake of his head. "I still can't believe you bought that piece of crap."

"Pipe down you." Fleur said giving Harry a playful slap.

"I'm serious! _High School Musical_? I mean c'mon." Harry said disdainfully. "Couldn't get me to watch that worthless piece of shit in a million years."

"Really?" Fleur said stepping in front of Harry wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him deeply.

"How about now?" Fleur said coyly.

Harry paused for a moment with a grin as they began to walk again. "Ok, mayb…" Harry fell silent as they rounded a corner of the hallway they were walking in. There at the end of the hall in front of Fleur's apartment were members of the Order of the Phoenix.

Harry recognized two of the members right away. Bill Weasley and Mad-Eye Moody, the other he wasn't so sure about.

"Harry isn't that Bill… and that horrible teacher!" Fleur whispered in a hushed voice.

"Yeah that is them. They want to take me away from you. The old codger thinks it isn't safe for me to be away."

"I thought you said You-Know-Who wasn't back? So why are they looking for you?" Fleur whispered curiously as they slowly came closer and closer.

"Because they believe anything that old fool tells them." Harry grunted as they came in speaking rang with the Order members.

"What brings you guys here?" Harry said moving in front of Fleur.

"Take you back to headquarters of course Potter." Moody sneered.

"Running off like that took some pills, but in the end you knew we would find you. Now don't make a scene." The man Harry didn't know said.

"Harry…" Fleur whispered nervously.

"Don't worry babe I have a plan… I think." Harry muttered quietly.

"Don't involve her Harry. Far to beautiful to be put into harms way. Moody and Podmore can take you back and I'll get Fleur's bags." Bill said with a smirk.

What happened next Harry barely could comprehend it happened so quickly. Fleur's apartment door opened and next thing Harry knew Moody's peg leg was swept out from under him and careening down the hallway as the old man toppled over. Podmore had a nightstick cracked into the side of his head knocking him down to the ground unconscious and then Bill was pinned against the wall by the same nightstick around the throat.

Harry just stood there in awe for a few moments as handcuffs were slapped onto all three Order members.

"Who the hell are you?"

"Your Uncles helped me out of a bad spot. Was about to be transferred from the London Force to some small dump of a town. Did me a bit of a favor and made that transfer order disappear." The man replied.

"You're a cop!" Harry said startled not sure whether to run or stay put.

"Angel, Sergeant Nicholas Angel."

"Yeah, it worked Sirius. I still can't believe you were working with a cop?" Harry said into his cell phone as Fleur popped in none other than _High School Musical_.

"I don't even know how it worked. I mean shouldn't Moody have been able to see through a wooden door?" Harry asked.

After a few moments of listening to Sirius Harry scrunched up his face. "Always knew that guy was a pervert. Look through people's clothes, but can't see through a wooden door."

Sirius began muttering a few things back to Harry, but Fleur had clicked the lights and rolled her way into bed and was slowly undressing in front of him.

"Uh, what was that? You know what Sirius never mind I'm busy call you later." Harry muttered hanging up the phone without waiting for a goodbye. He tossed the phone to the other side of the room.

"Fleur, you are so evil."

A few hours later Harry snuggled closer to Fleur as she rested her head on Harry's shoulder. He glanced at the screen of the flat screen they had put up, which was showing the introduction screen to the horrid movie they just watched. Harry grunted in disgust and slowly unraveled himself from Fleur's grip.

He dug through one of the shopping bags from earlier then paused as he came to a particular DVD.

"Babe!"

Fleur shot up looking around "What is it Harry?"

"I need to borrow your owl." Harry said cracking open the DVD and popping it in the player.

"Why?" Fleur asked in a groggy confusion.

"I need to write to some friends at Hogwarts before we go see Chaz tomorrow." Harry said with a grin as _Poltergeist _popped up on the television screen.

The officer strummed his fingers on his desk as he stared at the three strange individuals brought in by Sergeant Angel hours earlier.

"Well… are you just going to stare at it or are you going to make a phone call?" The officer snarled at Bill, Moody, and Podmore.

Moody looked to Bill, Bill looked to Podmore, Podmore shrugged. Bill looked back to Moody and shrugged, Moody hung his head and sighed. The officer stared at all three in disbelief.

"You can't tell me you wankers don't even know how to use a telephone?"

**End Chapter**

**Fleur still has an accent I have just given up on typing it. Since I was apparently doing a pretty bad job. Yes it all seems meaningless, but in the end it all has meaning… if I remember it. **


	6. Spare No Expense

**Harry Potter and the Order of the Chronic**

**Sparing No Expense**

**I don't own any of the characters, all JKR, no profit to be made.**

**xxx  
**

The sun shown brightly into the bedroom window of Fleur's apartment. Harry glared at the annoying natural light pouring into the bedroom. Harry reluctantly got up and stretched beside the bed yawning groggily.

Harry turned staring down at Fleur who still slept peacefully in bed. _Damn, most chicks are hideous in the morning, but she is still as fucking hot as ever _Harry thought. Harry grinned down sheepishly at Fleur's peaceful form before reached back and slapping her on the ass.

Fleur shot and stared wildly around before her eyes rested on Harry. "What?"

"Babe, I know you are probably a little tuckered out and all…" Harry chuckled at bit "But, while I'm in the shower how about some breakfast?"

Fleur's eyes narrowed as she cast a glare at Harry. She grabbed Harry's pillow and chucked it at him in response, while she buried her head back into her own pillow.

Harry caught the pillow with ease and laughed. "That's what I get after the best night of your life?"

"Shut up." Fleur mumbled as she hid underneath her own pillow.

"Fine be ungrateful." Harry muttered with a shake of his head as he entered the bathroom. He wasn't sure, but he thought he heard the thud of her pillow against the door.

xxx

When Harry emerged from the bathroom the sight of the bedroom, as well as the rest of the apartment surprised him. It was entirely orderly and clean. Fleur was bustling about snapping DVD's in cases and making the bed.

"Uh… babe do you have OCD?"

Fleur shot Harry a glare. "I was raised in a way where we clean up after ourselves."

"Uh-huh. I was raised with violent threats of beatings, now stop what you are doing and get in the shower so we can grab the breakfast you were supposed to make, and then go see Chaz."

Fleur once again glared at Harry and began to come at Harry menacingly. She got closer and closer and then grinned and gave Harry a quick kiss. "You are paying." She quickly said as she ducked into the bathroom.

"I don't remember that being part of the arrangement." Harry called out to the closed door before shrugging in a nonchalant manner.

"You want any help washing your front… or back?" Harry called out again, he was pretty sure he heard a flurry of French swear words, but didn't bother responding as his eyes rested on the newly purchased television and DVD's.

Harry quickly made his way over to the collection picking up the _Poltergeist_ and grinning to himself.

"If this plan doesn't knock Chaz out of his funk then nothing will."

xxx

After a hearty breakfast via Harry's wallet and a phone call to Sirius for direction Fleur and Harry arrived at St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries.

"Chaz! Chaz! Chaz snap out of it!" Harry said as he gave Cedric a few light slaps on the side of his face. Cedric just continued to stare blankly upwards despite Harry's attempts.

"Harry!" Fleur scolded from behind him, while she talked with Cedric's parents.

Harry ignored her.

"C'mon Chaz were pals! Got three or four good pals and you got yourself a tribe, a posse, a family! Do it for the kids Chaz! They want you back!" Harry shouted into Cedric's blank staring face.

"Harry!" Fleur shouted once again and this time marched over and grabbed Harry by the ear dragging him away muttering away in French.

"Ow, ah, damn it babe! Knock it off!" Harry shouted swiping at Fleur's grip, which she finally released giving Harry a firm knowing look.

Harry glared in response before marching off from the hospital room.

"Where are you going?" Fleur called out after him.

"To think!" Harry called back.

xxx

Harry looked over his shoulder warily making sure the hospital room he was currently in was safe to talk in.

"Ok. I'm pretty sure were alone, so the plan is simple. I convince the Diggory's that this is the best course of action and have Cedric sent to the States. You two pop up scare a couple of morons witless and Chaz can't help, but laugh and snaps out of his funk."

"I don't know, I've never been a very terrifying ghost Harry. Remember your second year at Hogwarts? Are sure you want me? Perhaps the Bloody Baron would best be suited for this job." Nearly Headless Nick, the ghost, asked.

"Trust me Nick these morons will be scared out of their wits." Harry muttered in response.

Nick looked unsure of himself, but nodded in response as his head bobbled atop his slightly transparent neck and shoulders.

"Now as for you Peeves…" Harry began, but was cut off as Peeves began to sing out a tune.

"Oh Potter, you rotter, your friend is gone and now you…"

"Shut the fuck up Peeves!" Harry whispered harshly startling the poltergeist.

"Now I got this for you Peeves." Harry muttered looking once again over his shoulder as he pulled out a DVD.

"It is a movie Peeves. These morons are nothing, but predictable and will be back. So I want you on your best. This movie is the called _Poltergeist_ and it will teach you how to be a proper poltergeist. Watch it as many times as you have to and become the most epic poltergeist in the world." Harry muttered shoving the DVD into Peeve's midsection.

Peeve's looked at the box then to Harry.

"Was Peeves not being a good poltergeist?"

"Hell no, you sucked." Harry muttered.

"Now watch and learn."

xxx

"I don't know Harry. I mean sending my only son to the States?" Amos Diggory said with a fallen and depressed face. Fleur and Mrs. Diggory had left the hospital room to have a cup of tea.

"Trust me Mr. Diggory. I won't spare any expense to make sure Cha… uh I mean, Cedric, yeah that's it. Until Cedric is up and about again, it is all on me. I'll cover all the expenses." Harry said with a firm nod.

Amos rubbed his jaw uncertain of Harry's offer. "You are talking about handing over my son to muggles! I just don't think I can do it." Amos finished with a shake of his head.

"Mr. Diggory these aren't just any muggles, they are experts in this sort of thing." Harry muttered in response.

Amos Diggory seemed to be gnawing on his tongue for a few moments.

"Experts?"

"Yup." Harry responded.

Amos sighed. "Fine Harry. Just fix my son. Make him right again."

"Trust me Mr. Diggory. I got it covered. I will spare no expense."

xxx

Cedric stared up at the ceiling blankly in the darkened house. Flashlights shown throughout the house as pairs of people wandered through it.

"Hey, what was that? What was that? It was sort of like a ooommpp sound?"

"I heard it to."

"What is that? What is that?"

"I think that is the television!"

"Oh yeah right… maybe."

"Wait did you hear that? Did you hear that?"

"I did it was sort of a thumping sound. Had to be some sort of paranormal activity."

"Is there a spooky ghost here?"

"Boo!" Nearly Headless Nick said, his head tilted off his shoulder, as the two morons hunting ghost entered the bedroom closet of where Cedric rested.

"Bwaghhhagh!" The two morons screamed and ran out of the house in fright.

"Well apparently Harry was right. They were quite frightened." Nearly Headless Nick said quite pleased with himself as he floated out into Cedric's room.

Peeves appeared with a pop and a whiff of ozone in front of the television where he began to watch his DVD again.

"Are you sure this is the right DVD?" Nick muttered as he watched the screen.

"Pottersy said it would make Peevesie a better poltergeist."

xxx

**End Chapter**

**Couldn't resist spoof of a spoof. Bit short, but next will be a bit shorter… I think. Then a long one… I think. **

**To make up I will give a telling title for a future chapter. Fleur's Big Mistake. I'm sure some can piece that together with this chapter.**

**I have about a bajillion different ways I planned to end this story in the next story. Yes more exciting news a sequel. HP and the Half Baked Prince. **

**Also I love all you reviewers, but if someone could say what does this mean? **

**For example last chapter I mentioned Harry and new magic. You know just keep reminding me about that kind of stuff. Don't worry it will come into play, but the problem is well drunk and stoned doesn't help me remember so hopefully you get the idea.**

**Being drunk and stoned when I type this is awesome (takes awhile to), but just something to remind me of where I had the story going would be a big help. And yes I'm that lazy. **


	7. Back To Grimmauld Place

**Harry Potter and the Order of the Chronic**

**Back to Grimmauld Place**

**I don't own any of the characters, all JKR, no profit to be made.**

**xxx  
**

It was about midday and Harry had showered and dressed preparing to leave Fleurs after spending several days with her. He couldn't help, but smile as she glowered up at him.

"Do you really have to leave already?"

Harry nodded a bit glumly "Babe, you know I do. It is only a matter of time before more of Dumbledore's inept group comes skulking around and besides you start your new job tomorrow. What am I supposed to do while you are at work?"

"What you do now. Play video games and watch movies." Fleur responded with a roll of her eyes.

Harry nodded. "A good idea, but still doesn't solve problem number one and I'm sure even now they are plotting and planning a way to snatch me away."

"You know I could protect you Harry or at least go with you to make sure you are treated fairly." Fleur replied in earnest.

"Nah, don't worry about it. I can handle myself. Besides I'm amazed these guys even found the place. They better hope Dumbledore's theory is wrong otherwise were all going to be toast."

Fleur sighed a bit to Harry's response and rose to her knees on the bed so she could be face to face with Harry. "Then I guess this is goodbye." She whispered softly before giving Harry a long and passionate goodbye kiss.

After several minutes of passionate snogging and Harry's hands roaming Fleur's body they finally broke apart.

"When will I see you again?" Fleur asked innocently enough.

Harry gave a shrug. "Suppose Christmas break. It'll be the next time we can spend any real quality time together." Harry finished with a rather sheepish grin.

Fleur once again sighed heavily. "That long… Well I usually have holidays with my parents will you be up to it?"

Harry's expression soured. "Do I have to?"

Fleur giggled a bit "Yes. It will be good for you."

Harry now sighed, "If I must, but you have to promise me something." Harry said sternly waving a finger in Fleur's direction.

"Yes?" Fleur asked with an innocent look.

"Watch out for that shifty Weasley character you work with. He can't be trusted." Harry said firmly.

Fleur scowled a bit as she reached both arms around Harry's neck. "Harry do you think I'm stupid?"

"Uhh… no."

"Harry I know he likes me, but he is just going to have to buck up because I like someone else who happens to be standing in front of me." Fleur said in a soothing seductive manner that made Harry all, but melt in her arms.

"You are evil, you know that?" Harry said leaning in for a kiss.

"I can be." Fleur responded leaning in to embrace Harry, but just as quickly Harry broke away in a grunt of pain clutching his scar.

"Harry?" Fleur shouted as he staggered about the room for a few moments clutching at his scar, which burned hot with rage.

"Harry what is the matter?" Fleur asked getting out of bed and rushing to his side.

Harry recomposed himself before responded.

"I think, I think it's a sign… I haven't been getting high enough."

xxx

Harry sighed as he looked up at the wreck of Grimmauld Place. His scar certainly felt much better after smoking a bowl on the way over, but he couldn't help take in the dejected looking neighborhood once again. It looked even worse in the daytime and for whatever reason Sirius called it home.

Harry entered the abode with a grim expression that immediately turned to awe as he looked about the place. The horrible grime that had once coated the place was gone. He looked down the hall and the portrait of Sirius's mom was gone and the whole place looked as if it was brand new.

"What the fuck? Am I in the right place?" Harry muttered to himself as he was about to go outside and check the address again. He paused as just then a horrible looking creature came plunging into the room headfirst and hitting the floor with thud.

"Kreacher can say what he wants about the horrible mudbloods that besmirch his mistresses home. Oh what she would say if she saw poor Kreacher. She would say…" The ugly looking thing Harry was looking at paused as it noticed him.

"Who is this? Kreacher does not know, but who?"

"Uhhh…" Was all Harry managed before the familiar house elf Dobby came in and gave Kreacher a kick in the arse.

"Work! Work you!" Dobby shouted.

"Dobby?" Harry asked his eyebrow quirked in question.

"Harry Potters sir!" Dobby said in a deep bow.

"Is it really? Is the horrible brat really Harry Potter?" Kreacher questioned slowly approaching Harry.

Kreacher only made it so far before Dobby once again gave Kreacher a sharp kick sending the hideous looking house elf careening down the hallway.

"Harry Potters should not have to listen to the grumbling of such a worthless elf." Dobby said with a look of shame.

Harry stared at Dobby with a quizzical look. "What the hell are you doing Dobby?"

"Dobby is showing that worthless elf how to be proper. Dobby is ashamed he even let the elf talk to such a great and noble wizard like you Harry Potter."

"Right, uh… thanks. Did you clean this place up all by yourself, while training that, that thing?" Harry asked.

Dobby nodded vigorously.

"Dobby you have exceeded my expectations and for that I got something here for you." Harry muttered reached into a satchel that Fleur had purchased for him on one of their shopping trips. He pulled a six pack of butter beer remember the elf's comments on it being strong for them.

"Keep up the good work Dobby." Harry muttered with a grin.

"Dobby is extremely grateful for Harry Potter's benevolence, but Dobby can not help, but wonder why Harry is wearing a man-purse? Is he trying to be more like a girl? If he is Winky can help the great Harry Potter."

Harry's expression immediately soured.

"Damn it!" Harry shouted taking off the satchel and tossing it down the hall.

"Stupid fucking thing! Keep my things in there my arse! Knew it made me look gay!"

xxx

"Don't you try to deny it Sirius Black! Harry only has one uncle and he is a muggle and we all know that he didn't sick that pleaseman on my son! The pleaseman said _uncles_ and I know the games you two play!" Molly Weasley shrieked.

"Don't you try to squirm your way out of this Remus!" Molly shrieked again as Remus looking absentmindedly around attempted to excuse himself from the kitchen.

"Very well done." George whispered to Sirius from across the table.

Sirius responded with a grin, but immediately turned his expression to confusion as Molly rounded on them again glaring.

"I swear if one hair is harmed on Harry's head…" Molly began to say, but from the door the kitchen came small knock.

"Ahoy-hoy."

"Harry!" Half the room shouted.

"See not one hair harmed on Harry's head." Sirius muttered.

"To right." Remus answered.

"Just like us." The Twins said in unison.

"Harry James Potter! You have a lot of explaining to do! Where have you been? You could have been killed! Don't you know how dangerous it is out there?" Mrs. Weasley began to shout reading him the riot act, but Harry remembering one of Twins mentioning to cut her off early, did just that.

"Mrs. Weasley I'm so sorry for the confusion. I didn't realize how dangerous it was out there. I was hopeless and hungry for days. And now look at me… just skin and bones. No idea how I even survived." Harry said softly wiping away a pretend tear as the Twins, Sirius, and Lupin glared at him.

Molly's glare faltered as she rose her hand up to her mouth and choked back tears. "I'm sorry Harry dear forgive me. I didn't realize… I'm just… sit down and let me cook you up some lunch."

Harry continued his expression of sorrow until Mrs. Weasley's back was turned. Then grinned at the rest of the occupants of the kitchen and did a wild dance behind Mrs. Weasley's back before taking a seat.

"Brilliant." The Twins whispered.

"Lucky. You didn't have to deal with her last few days." Sirius muttered.

"Smell her all over you." Remus replied.

Hermione just scowled at Harry's manipulation of Mrs. Weasley.

"Good to have you back mate." Ron said jubilantly completely ignoring the proceeding events that had taken place. "Don't know if you heard, but me and Hermione were named Prefects!"

Harry snorted.

"Ron did I ever tell you how great you are?"

xxx

**End Chapter**

**Yes, took it back a notch from the over the top stuff. Like I said couldn't resist. Lucky I didn't go with my first version with Billy Maze and Chipotle.**

**Any who. I decided to warn readers now. A review I got gave me an idea. All I can ask is trust me. It will be epic. **


	8. Hell of a Ride Hell of an Arrival

**Harry Potter and the Order of the Chronic**

**One Hell of a Ride… One Hell of an Arrival**

**I don't own any of the characters, all JKR, no profit to be made.**

"Oh, for heaven's sake Sirius, Dumbledore said no!" Mrs. Weasley shrilled as Sirius appeared in dog form at the entrance hall of Grimmauld place. The hall was filled with various school trunks and owl cages as the students of Hogwarts prepared to head to platform 9 and ¾ under a guard of Order members.

"You know Sirius, you really need to take this matter seriously. Dumbledore is a very serious individual Sirius and to not take his words seriously is no laughing matter Sirius. The seriousness of the situation is so thick in the air that even you must notice it Sirius, seriously." Harry said with a grin as the dog marched back into the house and a few moments later Sirius reappeared in human form.

"Like I haven't heard that one a hundred times before Harry!" Sirius barked at him before changing back into dog form, while Harry snorted.

"Pipe down all of you!" Moody shouted as his eyes skimmed the run down street. "I think it is safe to move."

Harry was by his side in a few moments whipping off his coat to reveal himself dressed in all black.

"Yes the time to go is now, we shall move swiftly and quietly like the ninja." Harry said in a whisper as he pulled a black mask over his face and ran in an awkward zig zag pattern before ducking behind a trashcan and stared about as if he were in a battle zone.

After a few moments of peering out from behind the trashcan Harry leapt out doing a horribly formed cartwheel and landed at a funny angle and immediately grabbed at his back. "Ahh… oh wow, that didn't work at all."

The Weasleys, Hermione, as well as the Order members just stared on as Harry meandered down the street clutching his back cursing at himself.

"Well there goes the idea of trying to look inconspicuous." Tonks muttered to the group.

"Has he lost his mind?" Mrs. Weasley said in a harsh whisper.

"Of course not!" Moody barked. "On his toes! Constant Vigilance!" Moody finished before clunking off after Harry looking rather pleased.

"He's crazy to!" Mrs. Weasley said with a shake of her head.

xxx

The trip for Harry was rather comical as he, Sirius as a dog, and Moody marched ahead of the rest of them. Harry had put back on his coat and after a quick spell from Lupin had the ache in his back removed.

Now Harry was pointing out what he called "shifty" individuals on the street. Though the ones he pointed out were anything, but shifty. Harry could barely contain his laughter as Moody would clunk off and begin interrogating helpless passerby's.

"That one right there Moody." Harry called out waving his finger in the air.

"Has to be a Death Eater, just looking at the way…" Harry didn't even bother finishing as he began chuckling, while watching Moody stormed off in the direction of the old woman he had pointed out.

Sirius let out a raspy barking laugh.

"Dogs can't laugh Sirius." Harry said patting Sirius on the head. "Wait a minute… where the hell is he going?"

Harry watched as Moody passed by the old woman and made to a rather menacing looking man in a tie and vest with a metallic glint in his teeth.

Harry, Sirius, and the rest of the group, who had caught up, watched as Moody exchanged words with the gentleman. The conversation seemed to grow rather intense and then just as Moody reached into his pocket to grab his wand the man grabbed Moody by the head and tossed him to the ground.

"Oh my!" Mrs. Weasley gasped.

Next thing they knew the man was smacking Moody's head with a car door repeatedly. Lupin was racing across the street in a panic as a strange ringing sound echoed about the buildings. Before Lupin could get there the man tossed Moody aside and gave him a swift kick. Then picked up what Harry recognized as a car phone.

"Bonjour?"

After a moment on the phone the man got in his car and sped away leaving a beaten Moody to be picked up by Lupin.

xxx

"Wow, don't see that everyday." Harry muttered as Lupin dragged over the ragged and beaten form of Moody.

"You two will not say another word, am I understood?" Mrs. Weasley said from directly behind Harry and Sirius.

"Mrs. Weasley I was pointing to the old woman. Not the guy. I can't be held responsible for this." Harry said as Mrs. Weasley glared at him and chose seemingly to ignore him as she stalked off. As soon as she was out of earshot Harry leaned down to Sirius.

"As if you could say anything to begin with mutt."

xxx

The old woman that Harry had pointed out was now gone disappearing into a dark alley.

"Impressive Pucey, old woman who would have ever thought." Lucius muttered. "So tell me was it Potter?"

The old woman that stood before him moments ago was now a young man, albeit still wearing old woman's clothes. "Definitely, Potter and Black was with them as well."

"Good. Very good, the Dark Lord with welcome you with open arms for this information." Lucius muttered with a smile, but it faltered quickly as he spotted a blond haired man in aviators wearing a police officer's vest and cap. Lucius gave no warning as he darted off down the alley.

"What are you doing?" Pucey called out.

"Stop! In the name of the Law!" Nicholas shouted and just as Pucey turned he was struck in the head with the officers baton. Pucey's eyes crossed and he collapsed to the ground.

xxx

"So Lucius, where is Pucey?" The elder Crabbe grunted as Lucius popped up next to him after apparating.

"He… He didn't make it." Lucius muttered.

"What do you mean he didn't make it? The Dark Lord won't listen to that bullocks as an excuse!" The elder Goyle rambled.

xxx

"Good. Very good Lucius, this information pleases me." Voldemort said casually as his eyes swept about the room.

"Still I couldn't help notice that one of our newest recruits is missing? If I may ask what has become of him?" Voldemort asked casually, though his eyes danced with menace.

"My Lord…" Lucius said in a groveling tone. "We, we lost Pucey."

Voldemort's eyes widening skeptically "Lost?"

"Lost? Where exactly did you fucking lose him?" Voldemort hissed his temper rising.

"My Lord it wasn't my fault. It was a muggle. He was a…"

"You lost Pucey to a muggle of all things! You worthless scum!" Voldemort said anger filling his voice.

"I'm sorry my Lord!"

"_Crucio!"_

xxx

Harry reached up scratching his scar. "Sorry what was that Johnson?" Harry asked passing off the joint he had lit up.

Harry was now on the Hogwarts Express, which was zooming across the countryside on its way to Hogwarts. He sat in a compartment with his fellow quidditch teammates because Ron and Hermione had mumbled something about Prefect duties.

"I said. I was named quidditch captain this year." Angelina repeated herself.

"Oh!" Harry said with a look of surprise. "Congratulations then." Harry said with a nod as he kicked off his shoes. Then proceeded to lay his feet in Angelina's lap. "Now if you don't mind the best seeker you have ever seen needs a foot massage." Harry said with a grin.

Angelina glared at Harry for moment "You know Harry I've been ok with this change of yours, but now that I'm captain I want you in tip top shape, understand?" Angelina said and despite herself began massaging Harry's feet.

Harry took a long drag from the joint that had reached him again, savoring the green monster, before passing the joint to Angelina. "No problem, I'm in my prime."

Harry couldn't help, but chortle as he watched Angelina take a hit and pass off the joint. "So… tip top shape you say?" Harry questioned as he nodded to the joint.

"Quidditch doesn't start for weeks. I was only saying when it does…" Her voice trailed off absentmindedly as Harry grinned.

"So Angelina, damn good foot massage by the way, what do you think about me and Fleur?" Harry asked.

"What do you mean what do I think about you and Fleur?" Angelina said her foot massage suddenly stopping.

Harry gave a small shrug. "I'm just saying Fleur may be into exploring a little more of her wild side these days." Harry said in a nonchalant manner as if nothing of interest was happening.

"And?"

"Well, she may be more interested in um… getting in touch with her more feminine lesbian tendencies." Harry muttered somewhat casually.

Angelina eyes became sharp as she tossed Harry's feet from her lap. "Fleur Delacour has lesbian tendencies?" She scoffed.

"Of course she has… she just doesn't know it yet." Harry replied with a jab of his finger and a satisfied grin.

"You know Harry I don't know if anyone has told you, but you are somewhat of a pervert." George muttered plopping down next to Angelina and resting an arm over her shoulder.

Harry ignored the comment completely "Wait a minute I thought Fred was with Angelina?"

"I am Fred."

"No you aren't. You're George. I can tell."

"Damn. How the hell could tell Harry?" George muttered.

"Lucky guess."

"Fuck!" The Twins said in unison.

"So wait if you are with Angelina who is Fred with?" Harry said staring down at the other twin who had his arm wrapped around Katie Bell.

"Bell! I thought you were with Wood, Bell?"

"I was until that whole disaster you created." Katie said with a hint of malice.

"Don't know what you are talking about." Harry replied coolly.

"Harry we know." Lee muttered.

"You know?"

"Of course we know. You don't think after Katie and Ollie broke up that that story would stay secret and by the way no funny business this year or you will deal with the wrath of the Weasleys." Fred muttered and George nodded as a sign of agreement with his brother.

"Wait then who is with Alicia?" Harry asked.

"Me of course." Lee said pulling Alicia close with a giggle as she polished off the joint.

"You know what." Harry said rising to his feet. "You all switch around who you are dating so much… you just need to strip down and just have one giant orgy and be done with it." Harry said with a firm nod as he made his way next to the compartment exit.

It was quiet for a few moments as Harry stared at his quidditch mates.

"I kind of like his idea." George muttered pointing a finger at Harry.

"Pervert!" Angelina said shoving George off her.

George scoffed muttering about how he was only joking.

"Don't be sorry George… she is just jealous that she won't get the chance to sample the goods." Harry said patting himself near his crotch.

xxx

"Not that good! Keep telling yourself that Bell!" Harry yelled at the door after he was shoved from the compartment.

"Potter!" A familiar drawling voice called out.

"Hey Draco. What's going on man?" Harry shouted upon seeing his arch nemesis.

"Nothing much Pothead McPotter." Draco scoffed with a sneer meant to get under Harry's skin.

Harry eyed Draco for a moment his face turning purple. "Draco… Drago… Same name, it's the same guy. You tried to kill Sly! I'm gonna kill you!" Harry said charging at Malfoy. Malfoy's eyes widened a bit in confusion as he fumbled around in his robes trying to pull out his wand, but he was to late as Harry reached.

Harry stopped abruptly in front of Malfoy his outstretched hands only inches from Draco's neck.

"Only joking." Harry said with a grin as he gave Malfoy a light slap on the face. "Good lord, Crabbe, Goyle, you've gotten fat." Harry said regarding Malfoy's thugs.

Crabbe and Goyle looked down at their wide selves before glaring menacingly at Harry. "Now if you will all excuse me." Harry muttered pushing his way through the wide pair delicately. "There we go." Harry finished with a triumphant look as he passed between the two. "I'll just be off."

The trio just stared after Harry a few moments before Malfoy, after regaining his composure made after him. "Move you great lumps." He snarled shoving Crabbe and Goyle apart best he could.

Malfoy trailed after Harry calling him every name in the book. Harry just continued on down the train unaware of Malfoy in the slightest until. "Heard about Diggory Potter! Also heard you were spending a boatload of money trying to make him right in the head again. Pity the Dark Lord didn't kill him, could have saved you a fair bit of gold I expect."

Malfoy grinned wickedly as Harry came to an abrupt halt. "That's right Potter. I said it… now what are you going to do about it." Malfoy said readying himself for a challenge.

Harry backed up a couple of steps and turned abruptly. Malfoy took a step back in preparation as Harry stared at Malfoy almost as if he didn't exist.

"Good point Malfoy. You just reminded me of something I needed to do." Harry said in a casual manner then casually turned to face one of the compartment doors. Seemingly out of nowhere Harry bought his foot down on the door knocking it clean open.

xxx

"Potter… What the hell?"

Harry looked back at the wrecked door he had just kicked in and shrugged "Just trying to make an entrance."

"So you kicked in the door?"

Harry once again shrugged "Seemed like a good idea at the time, but listen I know you." Harry said waving a finger at the older Gryffindor in front of him, whose friends were currently gawking at Harry.

"You're uh, Mcwhopper or something right?" Harry muttered snapping his fingers trying to remember the boy's name.

"It's McLaggen. Cormac McLaggen."

xxx

"Muscle? What are you going on about Potter?" Cormac muttered.

"Look at Potty groveling for friends." Malfoy said with a laugh to Crabbe and Goyle as he made fun of Harry outside the broken compartment door.

"Mick. Can I call you Mick?"

"I'd prefer not."

"Ok then Mick, I'm offering you a chance to be in clique. Hang with the cool kids. What is so hard to understand?" Harry said completely ignoring Malfoy and Cormac's previous protest.

Cormac rubbed his jaw a moment in thought then brought his head closer to Harry in a whisper. "What about girls?"

"As many as you want. I'm Harry fucking Potter. They throw themselves at me!" Harry replied with a whiff of mock arrogance.

"Well I was thinking of one in particular. You're friends with Granger right?"

Malfoy gave a choking laugh as he buckled over.

"Yeah." Harry said his face scrunched up in confusion. "Hermione? Really? She is rather annoying you know?"

"You hear that Crabbe, Goyle? McLaggen wants the filthy little Mudblood." Malfoy said still laughing as his thugs chuckled and chortled.

"Well she looked really good at the Yule Ball last year… just can't get it out of my mind. She isn't with Krum still is she?" Cormac asked seemingly ignoring Malfoy's jabs, but his face was starting to redden a bit.

"Uh…" Harry really had no idea, but he chose to speak wisely. "Hell no. She's single and even if not you are a stud. No way would she resist."

Cormac nodded holding out his hand. Harry shook it "We have an accord."

"Yes now, excuse me for a moment." Cormac replied cracking his knuckles and pulling out his wand.

xxx

Harry let out a low whistle.

"Nice work Mick." Harry said admiring the three unconscious forms of Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle. "I see my choice was not in vain, although you do seem to have a bit of a temper."

Cormac merely shrugged. "Anything else you need Potter?"

"Hold up a sec." Harry answered with a grin as he leaned over Malfoy's unconscious form. He stayed there for a few moments as Cormac tried to lean over Harry's shoulder to see what he was doing.

Harry shot up to admire his handy work. "What do you think Mick?"

Cormac looked down at Malfoy's forehead reading the words now written there out loud. "I love the cock."

"Thought it had a nice ring to it myself." Harry replied with a roguish smile.

"This should be… an interesting year." Cormac said with a shake of his head.

Xxx

"Where do you think Harry is?"

"Knowing him I'd say he is probably getting into trouble." Hermione answered Ron with a grim expression. "I suppose we should go look for him."

"Why?"

"Because were Prefects of course." Hermione replied, but she was saved from searching as the compartment door flung open and there stood Harry a huge smile plastered on his face.

"You guys aren't going to believe what just happened. It was so… so…" Harry paused as he looked about the compartment. He recognized Neville, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny, but had no idea who the funny looking girl sitting nearest to the door was. She had her wand tucked behind her ears, wore radish earrings and a necklace made of butter beer caps. She stared up at Harry, not blinking, causing him to feel slightly disturbed.

"You're Harry Potter, you know." The girl said in a rather singsong dreamy voice.

Harry blinked. His vision traveled to Ron who shrugged, as did Neville. Hermione just stared on a placid look on her face. Ginny on the other hand seemed to be on the brink of breaking into fits.

Harry sat down across from the odd girl running his hands across his jaw studying her curiously. He meant to ask who she was, but…

"Why the fuck are you dressed like that?"

"Harry!" Hermione hissed. Harry ignored her his eyes stuck on the strange girl who didn't bother to answer. She just stared at Harry, not blinking, for a few moments before her eyes rested on a magazine she was reading… upside down.

"Why the hell are you reading that magazine upside down?" Harry asked skeptically jabbing a quavering finger toward the magazine.

"Because that is the way you are supposed to read it." The girl replied after another moment of staring blankly at Harry.

Harry raised his arms in confusion. "You know, you know, why the hell are you here?" Harry asked and the girl just stared at him unblinking and went back to her upside down magazine. Harry just shook his head turning to his mates "Why the hell is she here?"

"She was sitting here before us." Ginny offered.

"So! Why didn't you just kick her the…" Harry didn't finish his question as the compartment door opened.

"Harry?"

"Oh hey! What is going on Chang?"

xxx

Harry was walking along the train's hallway with Cho Chang after he left his compartment abruptly.

"So Cho, I was meaning to talk to you about something. You know how Chaz kind of…"

"Harry don't you miss how we used to walk like this?" Cho said interrupting Harry and grasping his hand in hers.

"Uh, what?" Harry said confusion running through him, but he shook it off. "I was saying um, that you know now that Chaz is out of the way me and Fleur were wondering if…"

"Do you remember how we would walk around the lake like this Harry?" Cho said her voice lofty and filled with emotion.

"What the fuck?" Harry muttered to himself in a whisper.

"Oh here is our compartment. Shall we go in Harry?" Cho said in a rather excited voice.

Harry stared at her completely perplexed. "Uh, my compartment was back there." Harry answered motioning down the hall.

"No. No it wasn't Harry. Stop being silly. You always sit with me, Marietta, and Zach on our way to Hogwarts."

"Who?"

Cho grinned at him with a soft giggle. "Stop being silly!" Cho said giving Harry a light slap before pushing open the compartment door.

"Potter! What is he doing here?" A boy who Harry assumed must be Zach shouted in a slightly nervous tone.

"Uh… yeah, apparently I ride with you to Hogwarts." Harry responded back as his eyes shifting around the compartment in confusion.

Cho took a seat next to the girl he assumed was Marietta. "I told you I would find him. He was of course getting into trouble with that crazy Looney Luna Lovegood."

"Oh no." Marietta said. "You said you were going to the bathroom."

"No I didn't."

"What the hell is going on here? Chang what the fuck are you talking about? I've never rode to Hogwarts with you?" Harry suddenly shouted.

"You aren't going to hurt me Potter are you?" The boy Harry assumed was named Zach said.

"I don't even know who the hell you are!" Harry responded back.

"Harry, stop it! You are embarrassing us!" Cho scolded in a hiss.

Marietta got up slowly giving Cho a smile, she motioned to Zach, who got up and sat down by Cho seemingly restraining her. As soon as she and Harry were outside, despite shouts of protest from Cho her face turned stern.

"Listen, Cho hasn't been… well... right. She is having issues after the whole ordeal with Cedric. And you, you great prat sent him away and now she is even more hysterical and somehow she got it in her head that she was dating you and not Cedric."

Harry just stared at the girl before his mouth agape. After a brief time he closed his mouth and then spoke. "So you are saying she's lost her marbles… great just fucking great." Harry mumbled.

"You know this isn't how it was supposed to happen!" Harry suddenly said heatedly. "I was supposed to seduce her and be all slick and smooth. Then bam! Threesome with me Cho and Fluer, but no now the crazy bird had to go insane!"

Marietta glared at him "How can you be so insensitive? You know something Potter?"

"What?" Harry snarled.

"You are worthless!" Marietta hissed bringing an arm up preparing to slap the living daylights out of Harry, but just before she could make contact another arm grabbed hers.

Harry nodded with smug smirk on his face. "Good work Mick. I trust you sensed that I needed your aid?"

"Actually the shouting could be heard up and down the train." Cormac replied.

"Shut up Mick."

xxx

"So what did Chang want mate?" Ron asked when Harry casually tossed open the door of the compartment and strolled in.

"Oh, uh… no idea, apparently she has gone completely insane." Harry said as if it were an everyday occurrence.

"What do you mean comple… oh?" Hermione began to say, before the buff and burly Cormac McLaggen followed Harry in.

"Have a seat Mick." Harry said motioning over near Hermione. "This is Mick guys, good friend of mine."

"Harry. I've been friends with you since first year and I don't remember you ever being friends with him?" Hermione said in question as Cormac took a seat down next to her. He immediately began speaking to her allowing Harry to ignore Hermione's question.

Harry pulled out a joint preparing to spark it up before having to change into his robes, but he once again couldn't help, but stare at the strange girl sitting across from him. The girl stared back, once again not blinking.

"Wrackspurt got you?" Luna asked Harry.

"What the fuck is a Wrackspurt you nutter?" Harry said losing himself and suddenly reaching over knocking the magazine from Luna's hands. "Seriously what the hell is wrong with you?"

All eyes were on Harry as he ranted for a few moments. "I just don't understand what is… is…" Harry's voice trailed off as he cocked his head sideways staring at the article before him. He quickly swiped up the magazine and read it.

Everyone figuring Harry's spat was over seemed to relax, but Harry soon rose up tossing the magazine back into Luna's lap. He had his phone whipped out in a flash.

"Answer you worthless git!" Harry suddenly said the phone pressed to his ear.

"Sirius!" Harry exclaimed.

"What do you mean no?… Kreacher?… I don't care how proper of an elf you are now! Put on Sirius!" Harry shouted.

Harry paced about the cramped compartment for a few moments, while the others looked at him like he was a complete nutter.

"Sirius finally! Or should I call you Stubby Boardman?" Harry said menacingly.

Harry listened for a few moments. "A likely story. I know what you are doing, trying to cover your tracks. That whole story of being there for my parents and being framed! Bah, instead I learn the truth! You were off shagging some floozy named uh…" Harry once again tore away the magazine from Luna who had ignored Harry and just began to read again. "Doris Purkiss."

Harry listened to Sirius for another few moments. "Rubbish you say? They couldn't print it if it wasn't true!" Sirius began to mutter a response, but Harry covered the receiver and turned to Luna. "What's the deal with that magazine anyway?"

"My daddy is the editor of the Quibbler. He makes sure all his stories are authentic." Luna replied giving Harry a quaint stare that made him shiver.

"Oh I got you now Black… or should I call you Boardman. I got the daughter of the editor right here and she says all the stories are one hundred percent authentic!"

"Oh you do, do you?" Harry said after a few moments. "Just remember I got my eye on your Sirius or should I call you Stubby?"

Harry waited for a response, but none came except the sound of a lick then dial tone. "Can you believe that he hung up on me?"

"Harry mate… I highly doubt Sirius is Stubby Boardman." Ron muttered after he came out of his shock at the display that had just occurred.

"Everything in that magazine is rubbish anyway." Hermione added.

"You really know Stubby Boardman?" Luna asked with a cock of her head.

Harry rolled his eyes at all of them before finally putting the joint to his lips and lighting it taking a relaxing hit off the sticky icky. He was about to pass it off when he met Luna's curious gaze. He paused not sure of what to do as the strange girl stared up at him.

"You… You've earned it." Harry said passing Luna the joint.

xxx

Snape stood atop the staircase leering at the oncoming students arriving by carriage from Hogsmeade to Hogwarts. He folded his arms across his chest menacingly giving off a cold expression causing students to quiet when the passed him. Normally he wouldn't bother being here, but with Filch on leave he had no choice, but to make sure things remained orderly when the group of imbeciles returned to Hogwarts, he would hold fast.

Then a disturbing sound invaded Snape's ears. It was distant at first, but it grew louder and louder. It was laughter. Snape gazed across the influx of students his eyes resting of course on Harry Potter.

Potter wasn't alone he had a whole hoard of misfits following him including, what Snape had deduced as a bright student turned into another imbecile by Potter. Luna Lovegood was simply laughing in hysterics for no apparent reason and practically being dragged up to Hogwarts by Ron Weasley.

Harry reached the foot of the stairs when Ron dropped Luna from his grasp, she was still laughing hysterically.

"Blimey what does she find so funny?" Ron asked Harry.

Snape simply gazed down at the group his eyebrows rising a bit in contempt. Then Luna spoke through her hysterical laughter.

"Hey padre. What the hell are you doing Snape waiting for a bus?"

Luna broke down into hysterics once again and Harry had a hard time keeping a straight face as Snape's eyebrows rose up even higher. Snape was about to speak when even louder hysteric shouting reached his ears.

"You can't! We always walk in together! You can't we always go to the opening feast together! Harry!" Cho screamed as she struggled against Zacharias Smith and Marietta.

Snape's gaze wandered to them as they past by, another wonderful young student whose mind was ruined because of the Potter brat. Snape's eyebrows now couldn't be seen as they were up in his greasy hair. He glared down menacingly at Potter.

Once again Snape didn't get to speak as more shouts were heard coming closer.

"Professor! Professor! Potter and that boy right there, McLaggen did this to us!" Malfoy shouted pointing to the battered and bruised faces of himelf, Crabbe, and Goyle.

Snape's eyes focused on Malfoy's forehead and he shook his head with disappointment. "Mr. Malfoy please get into the castle and wash your forehead." Snape hissed finally being able to speak.

"What are you talking about?" Malfoy responded back. "What about my forehead?" Malfoy said desperately trying to stare at his own forehead and after a few moments he gave up and turned to Crabbe and Goyle. "What does it say you great lumps?"

"Never mind that Draco." Snape hissed. "Just get in and wash it off."

After Draco and his cronies wandered in Snape glared down at Harry. "Negative points at the start of the year. I don't believe it has happened to anyone else before."

"First time for everything." Harry answered above Luna's hysteric laughter.

"I would give you detention Potter, but I don't believe that would phase you…"

"He means I wouldn't go." Harry said to his group.

"So instead." Snape said ignoring Harry's comment. "I believe we shall cancel your permission to go to Hogsmeade this year." Snape finished, his lips curling triumphantly.

Harry couldn't be sure what happened next, but a horrible screeching sound was heard and the next thing Harry knew Snape was staggering down the steps past him with what, Harry took as a spider monkey, on his back.

After careful examination and the fact that Zach and Marietta came dashing out of the castle, Harry deduced that it was not a spider monkey, but Cho Chang clinging to Snape's back desperately trying to claw his eyes out screaming hysterically.

"No You can't do that! That is where Harry and I spend our best time together!" Cho shrieked as she clamored onto Snape's back scratching at his face. Student's passed by laughing, others even stopped to watch. Only a few lowly Slytherins stopped to help, but after one boy received a foot to the face from Cho's flailing limbs, they were not to keen to approach.

"That's what you get for favoritism!" Harry shouted.

"Get this crazy bitch off me!" Snape hissed.

"That isn't nice to say about students you know!" Harry shouted.

"Harry mate brilliant, but don't you think we should be heading in." Fred and George both asked seemingly appearing out of nowhere.

Harry looked at Snape struggling as Cho continued to scratch away shrieking. He looked down at Luna who was pointing wildly and laughing hysterically. Harry reached up putting his arms around each of their shoulders.

"Guys… This is going to be a great year."

**End Chapter**

**Hope you all enjoyed. I'm sure some recognized the car door scene if not youtube bullet-tooth tony (Snatch). I've decided to just give where I get some of these ideas. Seriously most can just be viewed there. Oh future reference Darth Vader Mash Up. Won't be using it, but some lines might be there… so I guess might use it, also seriously funny vid. **

**Oh and Nicholas was here again. May or may not have a part later, why I mentioned him. Speaking of which, forgot to put it in.**

"Nicholas very nice collar if I didn't say so earlier."

"Thank you inspector." Nicholas said with a smile.

"I also have some more good news. We found your transfer papers." The inspector replied.

"What?" Nicholas shouted.

"Yes, apparently they were stuck in a book about regulations and code of conduct." The inspector said with a nod.

Nicholas felt like vomiting. _Dirty rotten… they swore they got rid of them!_ Nicholas thought.

"Lucky to have found those transfer papers… I mean seriously when was the last time any of us looked at a code of conduct manual."

**Couldn't resist a shot at them. ;)**


	9. Meal with a Hutt

**Harry Potter and the Order of the Chronic**

**Meal with a Hutt**

**I don't own any of the characters, all JKR, no profit to be made.**

"Listen… Hermione I can't be held responsible for what happened back there."

"I didn't say you were responsible. I just said that we should have done something Professor Snape is a teacher after all." Hermione replied with a sigh at the point she had been trying to make.

"Yeah, but not a good one." Ron muttered hastily with a snort.

Harry couldn't help, but laugh. "That was a good one Ron." Harry said giving Ron a shot to the arm.

Hermione seemed to grunt something unintelligible and marched ahead of the boys as they made their way to the Great Hall for the opening feast and sorting. Harry didn't mind and shrugged to show his feelings on the matter before turning back to Ron to discuss the start of term party to be held following the feast.

xxx

Harry took his seat across from Hermione and stared down expectantly at his golden plate. "So hungry I could a horse."

"Noticed Snape isn't back yet." Ron said with a wicked smile taking a seat next to Harry.

"Well did you also notice Hagrid is missing?" Hermione asked in a rather smug voice.

"Hermione he is probably just blending in or something." Harry said not even bothering to check the staff table. His vision was situated on Malfoy who was now sitting at the Slytherin table with a huge smudge mark on his forehead from where he tried to wipe away Harry's words.

"Blending in? Since when does Hagrid blend in?" Hermione scoffed.

Harry let out a heavy sigh and looked up at the staff table. "Fine Hermione he isn't here, are you happy now?"

Hermione nodded a bit "And did you notice…"

"Hey who is that up there?" Ron blurted out motioning to a new figure up at the staff table.

"I was just about to…" Hermione began to say before Harry cut in.

"Are you sure that's a person?" Harry said his face scrunching up in disgust.

"It is probably the new Defe…" Hermione began to sputter.

"Nice cardigan." Ron interrupted with a smirk, while Hermione gave up and buried her face into her crossed arms on the table.

"I could care less about the cardigan. I'm pretty sure that's Jabba the Hutt right there." Harry replied.

Dean, who sat on Harry's other side, began laughing and beating his fist on the table in an effort to control himself. Even Hermione's back began to shake from laughter as she continued to rest her face in her arms.

"Hey I'm just saying, you know, trying to ruin my appetite." Harry said looking to Dean and Hermione.

"Who is Jabba the Hutt?" Ron asked in complete bewilderment.

Harry blanched at Ron, his expression now in bewilderment. "Ron, I know wizards don't embrace muggle things, but how do you not know of the greatest trilogy in all mankind?"

Harry and Dean began to explain the epic trilogy of Star Wars to Ron during the Sorting Hat's song and through the sorting till all was quiet and Dumbledore spoke.

"To our newcomers welcome! To our old hands, welcome back! There is a time for speech making, but this is not it. Tuck in!" Dumbledore spoke in a ringing voice and was greeted with an appreciative laugh and applause, though Harry scowled a bit.

"Food finally." Ron said dishing it on his plate in heaps.

"Agreed." Harry murmured from his side doing the same.

"Did you two even listen to the Sorting Hat's song?" Hermione asked with a scrutinous gaze.

Ron and Harry shared a glance at each other before turning to Hermione. "No."

"The hat was speaking of house unity and how we should remain united in the face of evil!" Hermione whispered in a severe sort of way.

"Fat chance." Ron muttered with a glance at the Slytherin table.

"You know a little house unity wouldn't be such a bad idea." Hermione interjected "And Harry I really wish you'd rethink your position on You-Know-Who. Clearly the Sorting Hat can sense the danger."

Harry gulped down the food he had in his mouth before waving a fork in Hermione's direction. "Let me tell you something about that hat! Hat's don't have brains Hermione and because of this they do not have nervous systems and therefore…" Harry began to delve into a long scientific spiel about anatomy and thought processes that lasted the entire rest of the feast and then some.

"And therefore that hat can make no solid conclusion on anything." Harry finished with a triumphant look as Dumbledore began to give his end of the feast speech, which virtually ignored by the trio.

Hermione stared at Harry with her mouth agape.

"Did you understand any of that?" Ron asked Hermione.

Hermione replied with a shake of her head.

"Yeah, that's right Hermione. Don't ever try to judge me again." Harry said with a snap of fingers.

"_Hem, hem."_

The trio broke away from the discussion to cast their gaze on the woman Harry had referred to as the Hutt.

xxx

"Potter."

"Potter."

"Potter!" Cormac said giving Harry a smack to the side of the head.

"Ah… What the fuck?" Harry muttered rubbing the side of his head as he lifted his face from the table in the Great Hall staring about groggily.

"You passed out in the middle of that fat bitches speech." Cormac muttered. "Rumor has it a big party tonight."

"Oh… yeah." Harry said dropping his hand from his head. "Well what are we waiting for?"

"Harry wait a minute." Hermione sounded as she grabbed Harry by his robes causing him to stagger back.

"What is it Hermione?" Harry said with a repressive grunt.

"Did you hear anything that woman said? It sounds as if the Ministry of Magic is going to interfere at Hogwarts!" Hermione whispered to him, even though the Great Hall was virtually empty except the small group of Gryffindors gathered awaiting Harry.

Harry pondered the news for a few moments before grinning. "Well that's good news being I told Fudge this place needed a complete makeover. I mean honestly no computers or anything. Seriously Hogwarts needed an upgr…"

"What?" Hermione shrieked. "You put the Ministry in Hogwarts?"

"What's the big deal Hermione? What did you expect? This place is way out of date so when Fudge was pinning that Order of Merlin First Class on me," Harry rubbed his hand on his chest proudly "I may have said something about how Hogwarts was way out of date with the modern world."

"Did you listen to anything the Order said?" Hermione whispered angrily. "Though you don't believe it You-Know-Who might be back and to have the Ministry stopping them hurts our cause."

Harry began to shake his head in a nonchalant manner preparing a retort, but Cormac spoke up from the exit door. "Potter we having a party or what?"

Harry gazed at Hermione a moment. "Damn right we do Mick."

"Potter!" A voice shrieked.

Harry turned slowly seeing McGonagall giving him a stiff stare and groaned.

"What?" Harry asked.

"The Headmaster wishes to see you and it is Professor to you." McGonagall replied.

Harry let out another groan. "Go on guys." Harry motioned to the group of waiting Gryffindors as he trudged after Professor McGoagall.

xxx

"So what is this all about Professor and is this going to happen every year, getting called into Dumbledore's office?" Harry asked grudgingly following McGonagall.

"I don't know Potter that is up to you." McGonagall replied stiffly. Harry assumed she must have heard about his arrival to Hogwarts and rolled his eyes.

"Whatever Ice bitch." Harry muttered to himself.

"What was that Potter?" McGonagall asked coldly.

"Ah… I said Snape's a fat git." Harry answered unsure of himself.

They were both quiet as they reached the stone gargoyle that lead to Dumbledore's office. McGonagall uttered the password, but before Harry disappeared up the staircase McGonagall grabbed his wrist.

"Professor Snape is not really fat Harry." She said with what Harry took as a slight wink.

As the gargoyle closed Harry smiled. She didn't correct him on the git part.

**End Chapter**

**I'm happy with reviews. That attitude towards Cormac is exactly what I wished. Trust me people. Trust me. I really can't stress this enough because odds are you will be pissed before the end, but it all works out… trust me. Watch out for Fleur and Voldie… both will have moments that will make any Potter fan applause. **

**Next we jump a bit into book six. It is needed for the end of this story and… well most of the next. Prologue will explain why it is needed for the next and final story (side stories not included, at least one). **

**PS Also on a side note, being from the Chicago area, congratulations to the Chicago Blackhawks making it to the Stanley Cup. **


	10. Meeting and a Party

**Harry Potter and the Order of the Chronic**

**Meeting and a Party**

**I don't own any of the characters, all JKR, no profit to be made.**

**xxx  
**

"Ok, I didn't do nothing." Harry said plopping down in what he now assumed was his usual seat in Dumbledore's office.

"I never said you did Harry." Dumbledore said calmly as he gazed over his moon shaped spectacles at Harry.

"I can only surmise you think you are here because of the rather nasty incident on the train… and on your arrival to Hogwarts."

Harry replied with a simple shrug.

"Well I can assure you that the matter has been taken care of and no harm was done. However, I brought you here for a much more important reason." Dumbledore replied with a note of seriousness to his voice.

"Are you serious? You aren't going to give me the riot act because of that over grown git that storms around castle preying on children?" Harry said his interest piqued.

Dumbledore sighed a bit in response.

"Harry please, this is a very serious matter and it deserves your utmost attention." Dumbledore said as he gazed at Harry with a piercing look.

Harry gazed back, but eventually shrugged. "Alright, I'm listening. What's the big news?"

Dumbledore stared intensely at Harry for a bit, but eventually Harry motioned for him to get a move on and with a reluctant nod he pulled out a large basin filled with a silvery liquid, that Harry recognized as Dumbledore's Pensieve.

"Harry… I know you have said some things over this past summer that are very hurtful…" Dumbledore said "But I do hope they were just in gist, because what I'm about to show you is the reason Lord Voldemort attacked you Halloween night."

Harry had immediately left his relaxed composure and was now craning his neck as he stared down at the Pensieve. He noticed Dumbledore's intense gaze a moment later and once again relaxed into his calm position trying to hide his eagerness.

"Well… what is it?" Harry said, desperately trying to hide his enthusiasm, after another few moments of awkward silence.

"Harry please forgive me for what I'm about to show you… or tell you. I didn't mean for it to happen at such a young age, but your attitude towards me… and other matters have made it a necessity." Dumbledore said with a firm nod.

Then Dumbledore gave his wand a few waves over the Pensieve and a familiar voice rang out.

xxx

_"The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches… Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies…And the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have the power that the Dark Lord knows not…And either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives…The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies…"_

xxx

Harry listened to Dumbledore's so called prophecy and now was meeting his eyes starring skeptically at the old man.

"I am sorry Harry, but you see now what hangs in the balance." Dumbledore finally said, breaking the awkward silence, in a grave tone.

Harry remained silent giving Dumbledore a curious gaze with his head cocked to the side, as if waiting for more information.

Dumbledore stared back and both remained silent till Harry seemingly exploded.

"You have to be kidding me! That is it! That is the reason I don't have parents! Seriously?"

Dumbledore, though a bit shocked at the sudden outburst nodded in response.

"What the fuc…" Harry caught himself. "I mean… You can't…" Harry sputtered struggling for words.

"He went after me and killed my parents over this?" Harry exclaimed motioning to the Pensieve.

Dumbledore nodded gravely. "Yes Harry, I thought it best you kno…"

"Seriously this is it?" Harry questioned not bothering to apologize for interrupting the Headmaster.

"Well, yes Harry." Dumbledore replied.

"That is fucking ridiculous!" Harry shouted not bothering to keep his composure as he waved his arms frantically in the air.

"That fucking moron destroyed my life on a whim, because of what? The use of the name Dark Lord?" Harry shouted.

"Do you know how man Dark Lords there are?" Harry questioned waving a quavering finger at Dumbledore, but he didn't allow the Headmaster to answer as he answered his own question. "Thousands!" Harry shouted.

"Thousands of morons refer to themselves as the Dark Lord. Darth Vader, hell all the Sith, not to mention every damn RP gamer in existence. Oh, and let us not forget the D&D nerds!" Harry shouted tacking them off on his fingers.

"Harry the prophecy did say born in the seventh month and he would mark him as his equal." Dumbledore answered motioning to Harry's scar.

"So what? A scar means you are destined to fight an epic battle to the death?" Harry shouted out.

"Like Obi Wan knew he was going to die at the hands of his former student after he brutally chopped off his limbs and left him for dead? You can't be pulling this kind of shit on me!" Harry shouted rising from his seat pacing the room as if trying to gather his thoughts.

After a few moments of quiet Harry spoke. "How do you know this thing is even real? I mean who made it?" Harry questioned.

Dumbledore shifted a bit uncomfortably in his seat. "I am fairly sure it is authentic and as for who made it… I'm afraid I cannot tell you… it is not proper to give up people's confidence."

Harry gave Dumbledore a peculiar stare his eyebrow quirked in question.

"Harry you did not seem to question the ability of seers or prophecy's in you third year here at Hogwarts." Dumbledore replied to Harry's quirked eyebrow.

"That is because I never should have believed it. Should have let Sirius kill that worthless rat Pettigrew. It would have changed everything! A picture is worth a thousand words you know and a dead body can paint a pretty good picture!" Harry grumbled in response

"Oh, and since you seem reluctant to tell me who made this so called prophecy I don't suppose you would do me the honor of telling me how the Voldemort came to hear it?" Harry asked with as much sincerity he was able to muster.

"He didn't hear it. It was given to him by another means… one, which I'm afraid I am not able to tell you about." Dumbledore answered looking as though this might not have been a good idea.

Harry now gave Dumbledore a piercing look.

"Are we done?"

Dumbledore replied with his own piercing look, but after a few moments nodded. "Harry you may go. Please take what you have learned to heart." Dumbledore offered in an almost begging voice.

Harry gave Dumbledore a shrewd sneer. "I'll try." He responded.

"Oh Harry, one more thing, we have learned of the place you hold your parties, I'm afraid the Prefects bathroom is no longer a viable option. Also please take this conversation as very private." Dumbledore responded with a tap to the side of his nose.

Harry scowled.

xxx

Terry boot banged on the door to the Prefects Bathroom as he chugged at a bottle of fire whiskey laughing with his friends.

They all muttered amongst themselves what a great party it would be. Then, to their horror Severus Snape answered the door. He had scratches and bandages on his face, but was as menacing as ever.

Boot jumped over the high railing down to the floor below, nearly breaking his legs as his group of Ravenclaws dashed in desperation to get away. However, all were not so lucky as Boot heard a cry of fear from above.

"Not going anywhere are you?" Snape murmured murderously. As Boot listened on to his fellow Ravenclaw get quasi tortured by the evil git.

Snape went on lecturing only to be interrupted by a _hem, hem_.

xxx

Harry chugged down the rest of his beer sulking with the Cormac, the Weasley Twins, Ron, Seamus, Dean, Neville, etc…

"This sucks, nobody is here." Harry muttered looking about the Gryffindor common room, even though it was full of Gryffindors.

"I know another party place spoiled." Seamus replied. Sadly.

"Oh, honestly Harry won't you tell us what Dumbledore said?" Hermione pleaded ignoring the rest of the gathered Gryffindors.

Harry suddenly shot up from his seat an evil grin on his face. He walked forward examining the Gryffindor common room nodding and muttering to himself as the rest watched him. Finally Harry turned.

"I got an idea."

xxx

_Dont stop, make it pop_  
_ DJ, blow my speakers up_  
_ Tonight, Imma fight_  
_ Til we see the sunlight_  
_ Tick tock, on the clock_  
_ But the party dont stop_

The music rang out throughout the Gryffindor common room as students from nearly every house piled into the Gryffindor common room. After much arguing between the Gryffindors and Harry over secrecy and passwords Harry had won out or he may have just ignored the plea of his fellow housemates and went off and blabbed the Fat Lady's password to all his friends in other houses, minus the Slytherins. Harry felt he owed his fellow housemates at the very least to keep the snakes out.

Now, after the fact, everyone seemed to be enjoying Harry's somewhat reckless behavior as the music blared and a few seventh years managed to magic up a disco type ball for a more party like atmosphere. Alcohol was plentiful and from a few nooks and crannies puffs of smoke could be seen. Most of the cushy armchairs and sofas were pushed to the side as dancing had broken out in the middle of the common room and that was where Harry was busting a move Patil twins... or maybe just dancing horribly.

"And then me and my Uncle Tiberius also went hunting for nogtails once with Rufus Scrimgeour, he is the head of the Auror Office in case you didn't know." Cormac said to an utterly disgruntled Hermione as she sat in one of the chairs off to the side of the room. Ron sat on her other side looking thoroughly annoyed as Cormac rambled on.

"Whew!" Harry shouted as he came stumbling over wiping his brow free of sweat. "Why the long face Hermione?" Harry asked as he glanced over at Cormac wondering what the hell he had been saying to her.

"You do know we are breaking dozens of school rules?" Hermione muttered through her teeth.

Harry rolled his eyes. "Please, I know you better than that. Something else you are after?" Harry asked as he swigged down the rest of his beer and glanced at Cormac. "Hey Mick. Get me another beer."

Cormac gave Harry a glare, but stood up and wandered over to where Harry had placed a few coolers of beer.

"So Hermione what's got your panties in a bind?" Harry asked after Cormac was gone.

"You completely ignored me when I asked what you and Dumbledore talked about! That is what! Are you going to tell us?" Hermione asked as Ron scooted closer to hear.

Harry paused, somewhere ringing in his conscience he remembered Dumbledore saying something about keeping their conversation quiet.

"Oh that? Yeah Dumbledore was going on about some prophecy and Dark Lords and murder. You know what let me start from the beginning." Harry said.

Harry then went on to tell the entire tale that had occurred in Dumbledore's office and a few more people may have joined Ron and Hermione on the couch to listen.

xxx

"So you have to kill You-Know-Who?" Seamus asked his eyes wide.

"That is what he said." A Hufflepuff said from behind Seamus.

"Bullocks to you!" Harry shouted. "I didn't say that. Some damn crazed out Miss Cleo said that… Speaking of, which, I know heard that voice somewhere before." Harry said with a pondering look before shrugging.

"Now clear off you lot and go and get wasted!" Harry shouted shooing off the group of gathered students.

"Harry how can you be so calm? It might have been real?" Hermione whispered just above the music a serious look on her face as she clutched the one drink she had been nursing all night.

"Hermione… you yourself said the whole seer, fortune telling thing was rubbish and I'm just agreeing, but still…" Harry began to say, but stopped. He glanced around a bit and turned to the coolers.

"Mick! Where the hell is my beer?"

A beer went flying past Harry smashing open a window that led out to the grounds. There were a few gasps from those around, Harry just blinked. "I need another beer Mick that one didn't make it!"

Another beer came flying and using his slightly dulled quidditch skills, Harry snatched it out of the air.

Harry cracked open his beer sending out a spray of foam before he took a swig. "Ahh… what were we talking about again?"

"The prophecy!" Hermione and Ron whispered.

"Oh yeah, well Dumbledore wouldn't tell me who made it or who heard it…" Harry paused for a moment in thought "Hermione you like reading and shit right?" Harry asked.

Hermione rolled her eyes and nodded.

"Good… very good. Remember what I said about packing up the Mystery Machine Hermione?" Harry asked now sounding as serious as he could manage as he gazed at Hermione.

Ron looked completely bewildered, but Hermione nodded.

"Well get Shaggy and the Gang back together because we got a mystery to solve."

xxx

**End Chapter**

**Little early I know, but had to do it for the end of this story. Trust me. **

**Oh and a reviewer asked about other comedy type stories that I might know of. **

**Measure for Measure by Grover Cleveland. Think it is abandoned thought… shame.**

**Harry Potter and the Forced Hero by Kaeim. Though I think the author might have went insane. **

**Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality by Less Wrong. Just started this one it is pretty funny in a somewhat serious manner. **

**All can be found on my favorites list. **


	11. Favorite Teacher

**Harry Potter and the Order of the Chronic**

**Favorite Teacher**

**I don't own any of the characters, all JKR, no profit to be made.**

**I can't believe you guys didn't tell me the dashes weren't separating the scene breaks. Seriously tell me these things.**

xxx

Gryffindors, Ravenclaws, and Hufflepuffs were all having a good time at the opening of term party. However, despite the angers of being shunted from the party, at least one Slytherin listened to the rumors that night.

Theodore Nott had listened to all those leaving the Gryffindor common room. Many of those leaving were intoxicated and speaking loudly, no doubt to be caught by professors or prefects. Still Nott caught some important information in those drunken ramblings.

Nott had heard enough he dashed up to the Hogwarts owlery quickly and quietly. A storm was brewing as lightening flashed and thunder boomed. Nott cared not as he jotted down what he had heard and attached it to his owl's leg. Nott knew the Dark Lord, for this information, would reward his father greatly, as long as his owl made it.

xxx

Nott Sr. wore a happy face as some of his fellow Death Eaters continually asked him what 'new' information he had come across. He did not speak; this information would make him more beloved among all the other Death Eaters.

Nott Sr. paused just before entering the chamber that contained the Dark Lord. The Dark Lord seemed so different from the last time he had tried to take over… he seemed less stable. According to Snape's reports the Potter boy had assumed the Dark Lord… well… was a complete moron and in all honestly he hadn't really seen anything to question the boys assumption, though he never voiced this opinion, especially after the punishment Severus had received just for hearing it.

"Well if you aren't going to tell us what you are hiding you best be going to tell the Dark Lord." Crabbe Sr. grunted in a jealous tone.

Nott Sr. nodded with a gulp and entered the chamber.

xxx

"Your son reported this?" Voldemort questioned in a low hiss.

"Yes my Lord." Nott Sr. spoke from his bowed position. The storm that had raged earlier was now breaking and dawn was on the verge of breaking.

Voldemort regarded Nott Sr. for a few moments then stood up and paced a bit.

"He claims that Harry Potter told everyone the prophecy that I so desperately seek on a whim? He claims that all the students of Hogwarts all know it now?" Voldemort spoke his voice cold and calculating.

"Yes my Lord." Nott Sr. replied with a nod of his head. "He may not have heard it in person, but rumors run rampant at the school."

Voldemort's face twisted into a vision of rage combined with humor. "Yes they do. Rumor is the problem Nott!" Voldemort hissed.

"You realize what this word is?" Voldemort practically shouted as he pulled out his wand and wordlessly raised Nott Sr. into the air, shoving the piece of parchment into his face.

"Uh…" Nott Sr. gasped. "It says Harry Potter is the chosen one?" Nott Sr. answered not knowing what part of the letter he was supposed to read.

"No further down." Voldemort shouted back with rage.

"Um…" Nott Sr. licked his lips nervously. "Son of Chuck Norris?"

Voldemort blanched and looked at the note again. "Not that part, but it is just as ridiculous." Voldemort said shoving the note back into Nott's face demanding him to read on.

"It says Potter may be a… Jedi?" Nott Sr. replied not even knowing what a Jedi was.

"That's right!" Voldemort hissed releasing Nott Sr. and letting him fall to the ground.

"This must be a clever ruse. Seriously look at this part… neither can live, while the other survives? How does that make any sense? If it were true then one of us would be dead already!" Voldemort hissed in rage.

"I'm sorry my Lord." Nott Sr. replied regaining his bowing position.

Voldemort paced a bit mumbling to himself. "If this is truly the prophecy why does it only refer to me as Dark Lord and not by name? Plenty of D and D nerd call themselves Dark Lord! It could mean anyone!"

"Yes my Lord." Nott Sr. replied. "I'm sorry for disturbing you at this late hour." Technically the hour was early as the sun began to rise breaking apart the cloud cover.

"Don't be." Voldemort hissed. "This is still valuable information. Clearly, Potter and Dumbledore are trying to lure us into a trap with disinformation. I just…" Voldemort hissed in a frantic rage.

"I just can't get Potter out of my mind! Get out Potter!" Voldemort shouted in a violent rage banging his head with his fist, not unlike Dobby did when under control by the Malfoys.

Nott Sr. gave a bow, not knowing what to do and dashed for the exit.

xxx

"What did the Dark Lord say? We heard shouting?" Goyle Sr. asked.

Nott Sr. shook his head.

"I'm telling you guys right now… the Dark Lord is a few marbles short of a Gobstone set."

xxx

Harry bumped into a wall as he made his way to the Great Hall for breakfast. He shook himself out of his funk.

"I think you are still pissed mate." Ron laughed.

"Shut up Ron… I can't help it…. I feel so confused." Harry grumbled rubbing his head, right where his scar was.

Harry really couldn't help it, he didn't know why he felt like his mind was tearing every which way, but he knew one thing is his ragged state. He wasn't high.

"Ron I'll be right back. Mick c'mon I gotta show you something." Harry called out.

Harry and Cormac went off and smoked a bowl making Harry feel much better. Cormac didn't fare to well and had to go lie down. Harry went back to the Great Hall shaking his head wishing he had Cedric back for he could handle his high.

xxx

"Look at today!" groaned Ron to his twin brothers as Harry approached the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall.

"Fair point, little bro." Fred commented.

"Worst Monday I've ever seen." George also commented from Ron's other side.

Harry ignored all comments of 'hellos' as he piled pancakes on his plate and began to munch. He gazed at his schedule, identical to Ron's. History of Magic, double Potions, Divination, and Defense against the Dark Arts.

Harry shrugged.

"Well it seems the old codger wants me to suffer after last nights exploits." Harry commented throwing a glare up at the Headmaster who, as it seemed, was abruptly ignoring him.

xxx

"What is this Mr. Potter?" Snape questioned his face still covered in bandages.

Harry could barely contain a snort. "It's a laptop, much more efficient at taking notes you know. I mean I got multiple battery packs and everything." Harry replied coolly.

Snape glared daggers at him. "Potter you will lose that muggle device or you will get out of my classroom this instant." Snape hissed sourly in response.

Snape stalked up toward the front of the class and then turned in an abrupt fashion preparing to badger Harry more, but he had vanished.

"Potter?" Snape hissed.

Hermione gulped nervously. "I think he took your other alternative professor."

xxx

As soon as Harry left Potions he almost regretted it. There stood Cho Chang a few corridors down. Harry couldn't help, but groan "Oh God."

"Harry you are out of class early? Did something go wrong?" Cho asked as Harry marched on by.

"Cho no offense or anything, but I think you might be insane." Harry commented.

Cho laughed in a girlish manner and began to question Harry why he left class early and about their relationship, and a whole array of questions that just thoroughly convinced him the girl was bat-shit crazy.

Harry was relieved when he finally reached the Great Hall and bumped into the Twins who had a free period and were discussing their future outside of Hogwarts. Harry took interest since they were basically discussing his financial investment.

"Well we have premise in Diagon Alley." George said. "And we should be all set any time. Fred and I are just using this time for market research."

Fred didn't say anything as he continued to glance across the table.

"Well this is good… very good." Harry said happy with the progress the Twins had made.

"So when can I see a return on my investment?" Harry questioned as George began to delve into the financial aspect of their business, but was soon interrupted by Fred.

"What the hell is she doing here?" Fred asked pointing a finger at Cho Chang who sat across from Harry smiling.

"Oh her? Don't worry about it, complete nutter she is." Harry replied pointing a finger in Cho's direction.

Cho giggled. "Harry you always were so funny."

"See what I mean?" Harry muttered with a sigh.

The Twins glanced at each other and grabbed Harry by either shoulder. "Good luck mate."

Harry scowled. "It isn't my fault! She is completely mental!" Harry exclaimed.

Cho giggled again.

"Harry, you know I love you."

xxx

After once again Rick Rollin Divination Harry made his way to Defense against the Dark Arts, his first real meeting with the Hutt.

When he entered the classroom he blanched. The room was covered in cats and kittens. It reminded his of his hideous neighbor Miss Figg. He sat down disgruntled and snapped at anyone who spoke to him, even Hermione, who was rambling on about how she had not found anything in the library about the 'so called prophecy' made about himself and Voldemort.

In fact Hermione's words had reached him, but it only added to his foul mood. He was tired, hung over, losing his high, and slightly fuzzy headed from confusion. Harry resorted to his one source of recourse, he laid his head down on his book as the Hutt entered and fell into a doze.

xxx

_Course aims:_

_Understanding the principles underlying defensive magic._

_Learning to recognize situations in which defensive magic can legally be used._

_Placing the use of defensive magic in a context for practical use._

xxx

Hermione's hand remained raised all through Umbridge's opening spiel to the class and even now remained up despite the protest of a Ravenclaw near her whose hand was a deep red.

Finally after almost the whole class was only noticing her instead of doing their required reading Umbridge spoke.

"Did you want to ask something about the chapter, dear?" Umbridge asked.

"Not about the chapter, no." Hermione replied. "I had a query about your course aims." Hermione commented.

"Miss Granger, I think the course aims are perfectly clear if you would read through them carefully." Umbridge replied in a sweet and sickening voice.

"There is nothing there about using defensive spells?" Hermione commented. The rest of the class stirred a bit and noticed there wasn't anything on the board about using defensive spells.

"Well I see no need to use defensive spells in my classroom Miss Granger." Umbridge replied.

Almost the whole time frame for Defense against the Dark Arts was used as an argument between Umbridge and Hermione about using Defensive magic. Harry had abruptly woken from his sleep and caught onto the gist of the argument and then with wonder shot his hand up in the air.

Finally near the end of the hour Umbridge took notice of Harry, who was waving his hand in front of Hermione's face.

"Yes Mr. Potter. You have a question? By the way congratulations at getting awarded Order of Merlin… First Class." Umbridge said in a high girlish tone filled with praise.

"Well… Seriously we aren't going to be practicing defensive spells?" Harry questioned.

Umbridge puffed herself out. She never expected to be defending herself against Fudge's boy wonder, Harry Potter_. He should know better _Umbridge thought.

"Well as long as you know the theory enough, the Ministry deems it good enough for you to pass your OWLS…" Umbridge began, but Harry interrupted.

"That is awesome!" Harry exclaimed to the chagrin of his classmates, mainly Hermione.

"What are you talking about Harry?" "Hermione whispered to Harry.

Harry gave Hermione a glance. "It means we have to do less than half the course work for this class." Harry replied with a smile.

xxx

"That woman is insufferable." Hermione said tensely.

"I know how you feel." The Ravenclaw from earlier said. "Look what she did to me." He muttered showing his scared fist from his late night detention due to Umbridge.

Hermione shrieked at the scar marks. "Horrible women. Harry you have to do something. She likes you."

Harry gave a firm nod. "I'll handle this. An owl shall be sent out immediately."

xxx

Technically three owls were sent out that night. The first arrived to none other than the Minister of Magic Fudge.

Fudge opened the neat white envelope and pulled out the piece of paper… not parchment, which pretty much told him it was from Harry Potter.

_Hey Minister, Harry here. Well not here literally, but writing to you. Anyway I must congratulate you on your choice for the Defense against the Dark Arts position. She… it is a she right? Is an excellent teacher though I do have some concerns? She has yet to put forth any of the ideas I discussed with you over the summer. You know computers, vending machines, copiers, printers, the works! _

_Harry_

_PS Also could you also tell her not to torture children? Thanks. _

"Oh Harry, always the jokester with muggle inventions and now joking about Delores torturing children." Fudge said to himself with a laugh wiping away a tear of joy from his eye.

The second owl arrived to Harry himself.

"What the fuck is this?" Harry asked as he tore open the wax-sealed piece of parchment. He scanned the letter and snorted.

"Who is it from?" Hermione asked from one of the cushy chairs just outside the smoke circle formed by one of the windows in the Gryffindor common room.

"Ron, Fred, George, Ginny… I don't think your brother has a whole lot of friends if he is writing to me." Harry said handing the letter to the four of them. They wrestled over the letter a bit before Fred finally won out.

"Its from Percy to Harry." Fred said as they all gave Harry a glance. Harry shrugged and turned up the Kottonmouth Kings a bit, not wishing to hear the outrage that was about to come.

"It says that Harry should cut relations with us till we come around to their line of thinking!" Fred scoffed and continued on.

"That Harry should report any conduct that goes against… against the…" Fred couldn't read anymore as he began to gag a bit. Ginny meanwhile snatched up the letter.

"Goes against the delightful woman Delores Umbridge or the Ministry." Ginny said her mouth wide in utter disbelief.

"Oh, so it is a woman?" Harry chimed in taking a hit from the Power of Greyskull and passing it on to Dean who was chortling.

Hermione now had the letter. "It says to expect an announcement in the Dailey Prophet about something big happening here at Hogwarts." Hermione said nervousness in her voice.

"Harry did you…" Hermione began.

"I didn't do nothing!" Harry said cutting her off.

Hermione gave Harry a glare. "I was going to say did you do anything about… you know Umbridge and her punishment style?"

"Oh… yeah I wrote to Fudge." Harry replied.

"Fat lot of good that will do." George replied, but any more criticisms were cut off as Ron got up abruptly and snatched the letter out of Hermione's hand.

"He – is the – world's – biggest – git!" Ron hissed tearing apart Percy's letter and tossing it into the common room's fireplace.

After a few awkward moments of silence Harry spoke.

"Ron I think you need a hit."

The last owl didn't arrive for many hours and once it did Peeves had to open it and smooth it out so Nearly Headless Nick could read it to a lifeless Cedric.

"Oh would you look at that Mr. Diggory its from Harry." Nick said with a glint of happiness and seeing no reaction from Cedric he paused. "Well, I suppose you don't see that."

"Well the letter says there is a new teacher in the Defense against the Dark Arts post and that… _it_ is doing a great job. Hardly any coursework at all and that _it_ likes to torture children." Nick said a bit confused as he skimmed the letter.

"_it _gave me candy? Anyway get better soon this Mick guy can't handle his high." Nick once again shook his head in confusion.

"I must say I really don't know what Harry is talking about at all. Oh wait a PS… Peeves kick Chaz in the head and wake him up already." Nick read out loud.

"Well Peeves did you hear that?" Nick called out to the poltergeist.

"Peevsie is busy." Peeves shouted back.

"You aren't watching that horrid thing again are you?" Nick questioned floating over to Peeves.

If he had waited a moment longer he would have noticed Cedric's fingers twitching.

xxx

**End Chapter**

**See I read my reviews… sometimes. I kid I try to read them all. True Magical Methods does seem like the author is just being condescending, but I'll still finish reading through it. **

**This probably won't be as long as its predecessor and I'll even make an attempt to type out quidditch. Probably two more chapters… maybe one and then we are at the holiday break sequence… that might take some time just an FYI. Once again trust me. **


	12. Triangle of Violence

**Harry Potter and the Order of the Chronic**

**Triangle of Violence **

**I don't own any of the characters, all JKR, no profit to be made.**

**xxx**

"High Inquisitor?" Hermione said reading through the Dailey Prophet.

"What are you going on about Hermione?" Ron said from her side.

Harry groaned taking a seat across from them. "I think I'm going to kill Angelina, all these practices at quidditch. If I didn't know better I would think this is punishment from Wood and you know… that whole thing…" Harry's voice trailed off into silence not wishing to mention that rather nasty incident.

"Don't know what you are complaining about, I was awful." Ron mumbled gloomily. Ron had won a spot on the quidditch team pretty much because all the other viable options had been eliminated and because Mrs. Weasley had got him a new broom for becoming a prefect.

Harry thought on that a moment. "Yeah, you were. Thanks buddy." Harry said giving Ron a slap on the back for making him feel better about quidditch practice.

Ron scowled, but pressed on. "So is it true Cormac was going to try for keeper as well?" Ron asked.

Harry nodded. "Yeah, but Fred, George, and I bet him to eat a pound of doxy eggs and can you believe it the moron did it! Been in the hospital wing for days. Good muscle to have around, but not all that bright." Harry finished in a rather sour tone.

"What was the bet?" Hermione asked from Harry's other side.

Harry froze up. The bet had been that Cormac forget about Hermione and go after another girl or eat the doxy eggs.

"Uh… So the Hutt was made High Inquisitor? What does that entail?" Harry asked quickly trying to change the subject.

Luckily Harry's bait worked as Hermione grasped onto Harry's words.

"The ugly toad is going to be inspecting classes and even getting authority from the Ministry to make new rules, or decrees as the Prophet puts it, for Hogwarts." Hermione replied sourly shaking the newspaper before her.

"Did you talk to your big shot friend Fudge about her torturing students?" Hermione whispered in an almost evil manner as her eyes narrowed on Harry.

"Of course!" Harry retorted, as he tried to remember what he exactly wrote to Fudge.

"Well whatever you said isn't working. She still isn't teaching us defensive magic and as far as rumors go she is still using that horrible quill of hers in detention. Why don't you have the foul Skeeter woman report it Harry?" Hermione asked in a quick succession that Harry couldn't help, but wonder if she were a relative of the guy who did Micro-Machine commercials.

In response Harry shrugged.

Hermione glared at him. "Well if you aren't going to do anything than I have an idea of my own and I'll be organizing it this Hogsmeade weekend."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Hermione I know what you are getting at. Voldemort isn't back. I stopped him. Remember Order of Merlin and all that?"

"That was for stopping him you know. And like I said prophecies are rubbish, don't believe in any of that nonsense." Harry said answering his own question.

"And what if you are wrong?" Hermione questioned sternly.

"Then I'll just tell him the truth… if I knew it." Harry muttered.

"What don't you know?" Hermione asked in her skeptical tone as if Harry knew something he wasn't sharing.

"Well I'm waiting for you to tell me! I didn't get Shaggy and the Gang back together for nothing! I don't know what the hell is going on! All I know is that I really don't have a beef with Riddle. He has a beef with me and I just want him to leave me the fuck alone!" Harry answered harshly.

Hermione quieted with a rather guilty expression on her face. She hadn't meant to back Harry into a corner, but just wanted him to accept that the You-Know-Who existed. Luckily Ron interjected on her behalf.

"Mate… I wasn't going to mention anything, but sometimes early in the morning before you… well you know, get high." Ron muttered quietly. "You start mumbling some weird things. Things like, just a little bit further, and get out of my head Potter." Ron said looking glum as well as worried.

"Don't know what you are talking about Ron." Harry replied truly not having any idea of what Ron was talking about.

"Now if you two are done grilling me" Harry whispered harshly "then I've got a phone call to make." Harry then after a stone cold glance at the pair got up and whipped out his cell phone.

"Hey babe, Hogsmeade this weekend…" Harry had said into his phone before he exited the Great Hall.

"Ron you didn't tell me Harry had been muttering things in his sleep!" Hermione whispered, as soon as Harry was out of range.

"You never asked." Ron replied with a guilty expression on his face.

"Well it was important! You-Know-Who might be penetrating his mind and despite the fact that Harry leaked the prophecy there has been nothing reported about it. Due to Fudge I expect… and the fact that the rumor mill tore it up so bad no one knows what it means, I mean Dean going on about Jedi." Hermione answered venomously and then added a roll of her eyes at the thought Harry could be a Jedi.

"Either way, it doesn't matter. If You-Know-Who is back then we need to be prepared and that means training. Remember what I talked about with you earlier?" Hermione questioned.

"Yeah, yeah." Grumbled Ron with nod.

"Good. If we can at least get Harry to join then others are bound to show up. I mean after hearing the prophecy it certainly seems like he is the…" Hermione began, but was interrupted.

"Have you seen Harry?"

Ron and Hermione both looked and there stood Cho Chang looking slightly depressed. "We were supposed to be planning out trip to Hogsmeade, but I haven't been able to find him." Cho muttered softly.

"Err… no." Hermione offered as an answer not sure of what to say.

"Harry is off making arrangements with his real girlfriend and not some nutter." Ron replied bluntly.

"What?" Cho replied her eyes welling up with tears. "That just isn't possible you liar!" Cho shrieked pulling out her wand. She held it on Ron for a moment before giving a slight gurgling non-literal response as she fled out of the Great Hall in tears.

Ron and Hermione watched after Cho as she fled

"Complete nutter." Ron muttered.

"Ron has anyone ever told you, that you have the emotional range of a teaspoon." Hermione replied.

xxx

"What the hell is this place you dragged me to Hermione?" Harry asked looking up at the sign outside the pub that read the Hog's Head, and had a picture of an actual hog's head.

"Is this a slaughter house or something? Does this have anything to do with spew?" Harry asked quickly. "Because I'm not in."

"Relax Harry it isn't anything like that… sort of." Hermione added on quietly near the end as they entered the pub.

xxx

"Oh hey Harry how are you?" Zacharius Smith muttered upon seeing Harry at the rather large gathering of students in the Hog's Head.

"Uh… fine." Harry replied looking at the boy with confusion then with a mild nod looked to Hermione "I do believe we are all here, so what is this about?"

Hermione shifted uncomfortably for a few moments and then went on a rant about Professor Umbridge, the Ministry, Fudge, and even Harry on one or two occasions. Basically the gist of Hermione's speech was that they were all blinded to the fact that Voldemort was back and needed to be prepared to face what was out 'there.'

The whole group of students sat still and motionless mouths agape as they stared at Hermione. She had even used the Dark Lords name. Harry was looking rather horrified.

"Are you saying we need to assassinate the best teacher Hogwarts has ever seen?" Harry questioned.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Of course not. I'm just saying we need to learn, in order to protect ourselves." Hermione muttered to Harry.

"Hermione I will not be a part of this terrorist organization." Harry answered firmly.

Hermione looked scorned and was about to shout back a retort, but Harry cut her off.

"I will not sit here and let you destroy the best teacher that Hogwarts has ever seen! Look at these grades on my homework!" Harry replied harshly waving pieces of paper in front of Hermione's face and tossing them down on the table before all the Hogwarts students.

"All O's!" Harry said as Hermione scanned through Harry's homework.

"These are just copies!" Hermione shrieked.

"Well that is what homework is Hermione. Just copying what you heard or read in class and putting it down on paper." Ron offered.

"No Ron. These are literally just copies!" Hermione shrieked as she flaunted pages of _Defensive Magical Theory_ by Wilbert Slinkhard. That is when the rest noticed that Harry's homework was not actually written, but photocopied as if on a copier machine.

"Hey they earned an O didn't they?" Harry muttered in question.

"I only ever got E and I worked my arse off!" Hermione shouted losing control of her temper. "This one got an O and it is just a copy of the index page!"

"Well obviously it contained the right answer!" Harry retorted in defiance.

Hermione's face was blood red as she glared Hermione and clenched her fist. "Harry… if I could I would deduct whatever house points we have and give you detention for the rest of the year, but I know you wouldn't bother going." Hermione said shaking with rage.

Harry was now standing in front of the defiant Hermione. "You think just because you and Ron are prefects you can order me around?" Harry spat.

"That isn't what I said at all." Hermione retorted.

"Fine!" Harry spat again gathering his photocopied homework, which he had done in his trunk using his multiuse printer. "I'll just leave you and your little terrorist organization."

Harry, his homework gathered, began to storm to the exit, but paused as he noticed the bartender. He looked awfully familiar in a way. Harry shrugged went up to the bartender and flipped a galleon onto the counter. Fleur was waiting for him and he wasn't about to hold her up because of this farce by Hermione.

"Shot of Fire Whiskey."

The bartender looked at the galleon. "You aren't of age boy."

"Keep the change." Harry spat as he heard Cho mumble something about crazy boyfriends in the background. The bartender shrugged and got him a shot.

Harry downed his shot and left to meet Fleur.

As far as Harry could recall best anger sex he could ever remember.

xxx

"Babe." Harry muttered rolling off Fleur, sweat rolling down his body "I swear I'll show them all the true meaning of life by the end of year."

Fleur raised an eyebrow. "If you keep performing like that. I won't doubt you." She pulled Harry into a close kiss.

It was a long while before they broke away from each other, but eventually Harry and Fleur broke away.

"So what is the meaning of life Harry?" Fleur giggled out as he rested on her chest.

Harry pondered it for a moment in deep thought.

"Live to party as much as possible." Harry responded.

Fleur giggled a bit "Why is that?"

"…Hate is baggage. Life's too short to be pissed off all the time. It's just not worth it."

**xxx**

**End Chapter**

**I thought a very valuable lesson. One I even learned. Seriously why hate when you could be partying?**


	13. Waking Up

**Harry Potter and the Order of the Chronic**

**Waking Up**

**I don't own any of the characters, all JKR, no profit to be made.**

XxX

_Any student found to have formed, or to belong to, an Organization, Society, Team, Group, or Club that has not been approved by the High Inquisitor will be expelled._

_The above is in accordance with Educational Decree Number Twenty-four. _

_Dolores Jane Umbridge._

XxX

The decree had come just days after the Hogsmeade trip and of course sent the students into a widespread panic as they rushed to see if Gobstones, Potions, and other clubs would still be acceptable to the High Inquisitor.

It also led to a very heated argument between Harry and Hermione. One argument, which Ron was desperately trying to remain neutral as he sat in a chair while Harry and Hermione shouted at one another.

"Oh please Hermione! Like I'd turn you in." Harry scoffed in disbelief. "You want to form some evil organization like Cobra to dismantle a professor, go ahead, fight the power."

"You said she is your favorite teacher and she clearly is showing favoritism towards you. Who else could get away with turning in photocopied homework?" Hermione retorted her eyes narrowed in a furious glare as her face reddened.

"So? In case you hadn't noticed I've been fighting this whole place and the way it is run with my very being. It is horribly out of date and I'm simply trying to bring it up to code." Harry shouted back his own temper rising.

"You of all people should be on my side being muggleborn! Instead you go off and worship Dumbledore as a God and leave the real geniuses in the dust." Harry said with an angry scowl on his face.

"I don't even know what you are talking about Harry!" Hermione responded sharply. "Who gets left behind in the dust? Hermione said with a flustered look.

Harry rolled his eyes. "You know I used to think you were smart Hermione, but the smartest magical person I've ever meet is by far Ron's dad." Harry said making a gesture towards Ron, who now was looking up at Harry with his jaw hanging open.

Whispers broke out among the students who had been watching the row. Apparently the idea that Arthur Weasley being the smartest wizard currently in the world humored some and others just looked on in shock like Ron.

Hermione was one of the shocked ones. She stood with her mouth slightly open for a bit in awe before being able to speak again.

"What, what does that have to do with anything? How is Ron's dad smarter than Dumbledore, he is with us unlike you." Hermione hissed.

"Unbelievable." Harry muttered grabbing at his hair if he was going to yank it out. "It isn't about sides in a debate. So what if Voldie is back or he isn't? It doesn't change the fact that great wizards are out there like Mr. Weasley trying to bring the magical world out of the Dark Ages into the Age of Enlightenment. Seriously, do you know of any other wizard who tinkers with more muggle stuff than he does only to make it better? I mean I have a spell that allows me to work electronics here at Hogwarts. Mr. Weasley made a fucking car that could fly and be invisible right here on Hogwarts grounds."

The whispers ceased and arose again shortly after Harry spoke. The murmurs now were suddenly of those who thought this idea was an interesting new perspective to the uses of magic.

Hermione on the other hand was struggling to find a response. So she did the only thing she could muster at the moment being on the spot of watching eyes.

"You still turned us in!" And with that being said Hermione stormed off ignoring his shouts of protest.

Once it was clear that Hermione wasn't going to acknowledge Harry anymore he sat down next to Ron fuming. Ron sat still in awestruck wonder.

"You really think that way mate?" Ron asked his face still in bewilderment.

Harry didn't respond he was rubbing his annoying scar furiously.

"I need to get high." Harry muttered in response as he stood up preparing to make his way to his trunk.

"Potter!" A voice rang out.

Harry turned to see Angelina storming up to him blabbering something about quidditch and the decree.

"Angelina hold that thought and lets go get some folks to have a little pow-wow in private." Harry said with a halting hand raised into the air.

XxX

Harry took a long drag and passed the blunt, he currently held, off to Alicia. The whole Gryffindor quidditch team was present along with Ron, in Harry's trunk. The room was filled with hazy smoke as they smoked.

"Now what were you squawking about Angelina?" Harry asked after letting a long puff of smoke escape him.

"I was saying that decree Umbridge made… includes quidditch to." Angelina replied a bit maliciously.

Harry noticed as well. Apparently Angelina and by the looks of his quidditch mates, they all believed in Hermione's theory of him betraying their confidence. Well Harry couldn't have that. He needed his allies.

"Not a problem. As soon as we are done here I shall go to this Hutt and negotiate our reinstatement to play."

"Good." Angelina replied a note of skepticism in her voice.

Harry quirked an eyebrow "You doubt me? Or you doubt my story about it not being me who ratted you out?"

"Well… it seems…" George began putting on a thoughtful look.

"Logical." Fred finished also putting on a thoughtful look.

"Well I'll tell you all something right now?" Harry said in a menacing manner.

"Cause I'll give you the fucking answer, all right? Look at me. Look at me. I'm not the fucking rat. Okay? I'm not the fucking rat."

It was silent for a few moments as the blunt was passed around.

"Well said." Fred commented nudging to one side of Harry.

"Applause." George added giving a light golf clap nudging to Harry's other side.

"You believe him like that?" Katie said snapping her fingers to show the quickness of their decision.

"Well…" George began.

"I'm their financial backer so of course they wouldn't want to offend me." Harry offered up as an excuse to the Twins decision.

"Not only that!" Fred said with a shake of his head.

"You do have a nice variety of alcohol, the likes of which, Hogwarts has never seen."

"You also share your weed."

"Lets not forget you are a complete riot to be around."

"And I suppose the money doesn't hurt." The Twins said in unison with a gleeful look on their faces. "I mean who could pass up on that?"

There almost seemed a sudden urgency to be around Harry as everyone began mumbling his or her sorrows for not believing him. All except Ron who seemed to be lost in his own little stoned world.

"Ron!" Harry said waving a hand in front of Ron's face.

"Oh yeah and for Dad to." Ron said nudging closer.

The Twins shared a look. "What about Dad?"

"Harry said Dad is the greatest wizard of the age… and I never really thought of it before, until now, and well, he really is."

A few confused looks went around the group, but Harry clasped a hand on Ron's shoulder.

"You have taken your first steps young grasshopper."

XxX

"So of course you can see the need for Gryffindor to have a quidditch team?" Harry questioned the one whom he referred to as the Hutt.

Umbridge gazed over her desk with a neat, yet slightly evil smile as she got up from her desk. "Of course I shall let Gryffindor's team keep playing Mr. Potter." Umbridge replied in her shrilling tone.

"Still I can't help, but fear for your future being stuck on a team of rogues." Umbridge said. "I mean, we all know what those Weasley's think of you, and what most of your own house thinks of you." Umbridge said her voice growing in menace as each word was uttered.

"They think you are a nasty little liar Mr. Potter, but I do not." Umbridge said crossing over behind him resting her hands on his shoulders.

"And of course they are wrong young Harry. They must be shown the truth." Umbridge muttered giving Harry's shoulders a rather uncomfortable massage.

Umbridge bent down lower next to Harry's ear. "You are right Harry. He-who-must-not-be-named is not back. Just as you said, the Ministry is right and this is just Dumbledore stirring up trouble to gain control. And I may ask for a favor in the future for the kind reward I'm about to bestow you."

Harry shifted rather uncomfortably for a second.

"Um… Are you trying to seduce me?"

XxX

Miles away…

"Oh dear please Mr. Diggory stop that infernal racket." Nearly Headless Nick said.

"But your faith it gives me strength. Strength to believe." Cedric shouted as he skipped out of the room.

"Peeves! Peeves! Help!" Nick shouted floating after Cedric.

"There's not a star in heaven that we can't reach." Peeves shouted hovering away after Cedric.

Nick shook his head in disgust. "Oh dear… Harry is going to kill us… luck would have it that I'm already dead."

They were murmurs from the room over.

"Did you hear that? What was that? Is there a spooky ghost here? May the power of Christ compel you."

XxX

**End Chapter**

**Well there you have it. Now the question is what will happen. Trust me. Seriously trust me you know I wouldn't do that to you… maybe you should sleep on it. I have a strong feeling Fleur will be everyone's favorite character when Fleur's Big Mistake comes out. **

**Couldn't resist… Here's to you Mrs. Robinson. Classic. **


	14. A Roaring Lion Hat

**Harry Potter and the Order of the Chronic**

**A Roaring Lion Hat… **

**I don't own any of the characters, all JKR, no profit to be made.**

XxX

Time passed at Hogwarts and eventually things turned into the normal flow at the school. Cormac returned from the hospital wing full of vigor and energy, though he seemed somewhat reluctant to trust any bets made by Harry or the Twins.

Malfoy was once again attempting to taunt and goad Harry, but he fell silent every time because McLaggen was around and Malfoy apparently did not want a repeat of train ride on the Hogwarts Express.

Halloween came and went and Harry couldn't even bring himself to go into costume. It just didn't feel right to him… Goose and Maverick just reminded him of Cedric.

Still life went on at the school. Harry scraped by with sub par grades, except of course in Defense Against the Dark Arts, which he seemed to be excelling at. Of course Umbridge kept him close in her very exclusive list of favorite students.

Hermione, Ron, and often many other students disappeared for hours at a time. All except Cho Chang who seemed to follow Harry around like a lost puppy constantly questioning him about their relationship status. Harry would just sigh and call her a nutter, and she would respond with a laugh and tell him to quit joking.

Harry tried to concern himself with his friends, but between school, Angelina's constant quidditch practices, and his need to play video games he could barely find the time to reconcile with Hermione or anyone else that was put out by his current attitude and _there were plenty that way. _

Though, Hermione was not friendly with Harry at the moment she did keep up with her research on the 'so called prophecy' made about Harry and had come up empty handed from all the reading she had done. Apparently the Mystery Machine had sprung a flat.

Even Neville was giving Harry the cold shoulder these days. Mumbling about how the "Prophet was going down hill." Harry didn't concern himself with such drivel. As far as he was concerned if Rita was reporting it, then his publicist clearly had to be in the right… right?

Worse thing of all to Harry was the fact that Fudge had not done one thing to update the Hogwarts to the modern age. Harry was now beginning to question his confidence in the man. Instead of results all Harry received were more decrees giving Umbridge more power. More power to the Hutt… the decrees were backing everyone into a corner, except Harry who seemed to be able to go in and out of Umbridge's system… or the Ministry's.

This gave Harry one important detail. You _can do a hell of a lot more damage in the system than outside of it_.

Till then Harry would have to do with…

"Wake up Harry!" Ginny shouted about to smack him hard in the face, but Harry caught her arm as he laid on the sofa, in his trunk, a controller in his free hand.

"I'm not dead and I'm pretty tired of you smacking the piss out of me Ginny." Harry said releasing Ginny's arm, which she pulled toward herself and rubbed in a self-conscience manner.

Ginny's face brightened red, but soon turned a deep sort of crimson. "Well if you are alive then why the hell aren't you up in the Great Hall or the Quidditch pitch?"

"What are you going on about Ginny?" Harry muttered dropping the controller from his lap to floor in an uncaring manner.

Ginny rolled her eyes. "Because Angelina is about to freak out! Today is the first Quidditch match versus Slytherin!"

Harry's fogged brain tried to work through what was just said…

"Oh fuck! I forgot!" Harry said dashing over to the boy's showers to attempt to prepare.

"One detail and you couldn't manage to work it out." Ginny muttered to herself with a shake of her head.

"I heard that Ginevra! Now bring me my bowl!"

Ginny rolled her eyes as the use of her real name and held a towel out into the boy's showers, which Harry grabbed and dried off. He came out towel wrapped around his waist, hair still wet, and a joint hanging from his mouth.

Ginny just stared at Harry, her jaw slightly open as Harry went to his trunk to put on his quidditch uniform. He turned towards Ginny "Do you mind I'm trying to get dressed?" Harry muttered.

Ginny quickly turned to face the wall spluttering her face reddening as she listened to Harry changing almost desperately wishing to turn around and watch.

"Ginny why are you wearing a quidditch uniform by the way?" Harry asked.

Ginny nervously turned around and let out a breath of relief to see Harry had finished dressing, she didn't know what she would do if Harry were standing naked in front of her naked. _Probably ravage him_. Ginny thought before she spoke. "Well… Angelina doubted if you would make it to quidditch so…" Ginny trailed off muttering about being too high or drunk.

"No trust." Harry muttered shaking his head.

"No trust?" Ginny questioned waving a finger at the joint dangling from Harry's lips.

Harry pulled the joints from his lips stared at it a few moments and shrugged.

"Smoke two joints in the morning and at night… why? It makes me feel alright."

XxX

"Harry we really need to get to the pitch. The teams are forming already!" Ginny pleaded.

"Sorry Gin. Needs say to munch right now." Harry replied back with a glazed look in his eyes.

"You are hopeless Harry." Ginny answered back with a hint of intolerance in her voice.

"Harry I do hope you win today. Then after we could you know…" Cho giggled from Harry's other side.

Harry and Ginny both looked at Cho with an awkward stare and shook their heads.

"Completely insane."

"Barking mad she is."

Harry and Ginny joked all the way to Great Hall about Cho's insane behavior, even though she followed well with in hearing distance of them. Harry thought if funny until he ran into one of the most obscene things he had ever seen.

A loud roar echoed throughout the hall as soon as Harry stepped into it. The pure shock knocked Harry over.

"What the fuck?" Harry cried as Luna Lovegood peered down at him with a hat that let out roars and looked like a lion, sat upon her had.

"It's good isn't it." Luna said rather than question.

"Blimey, you are more nutty than she is." Harry said with a nod towards Cho who was giggling happily.

"I'll be supporting Gryffindor in case you wondered." Luna responded completely ignoring Harry's comment.

"You are fucking barmy… you know that?" Harry asked to Luna's dazzling gaze. Luna continued to gaze at Harry for unusually long time. Eventually Harry got up and grabbed a couple of pieces of toast and began marching out of the Great Hall.

"Ah, Good luck today Mr. Potter."

Harry stopped abruptly as Umbridge cut him off in a scarf filled with the colors of Gryffindor, but both were soon brought back to reality with another roar from Luna's hat. Umbridge marched off glaring at the hat and Harry turned "You still here?"

"Harry… I don't suppose you know where I could get anymore of that stuff we smoked on the way in?" Luna asked.

Harry was about to say 'hell no' until he thought back to the end result of Luna getting high and unable to stop laughing. Snape only a week ago had the last bandage removed.

"Maybe." Harry answered.

XxX

"Harry are sure you are alright to play?" Angelina said sharply as her team went to the field. "Because if you aren't Ginny said she could play seeker?" Angelina said giving a wary glance at Harry.

Harry craned his neck scowling at Ginny whom was at the team exit to the pitch.

"I'm fine!" Harry retorted.

"I'm just saying Ginny is ready if you need… a rest." Angelina muttered trailing off.

And then the captains were called to shake hands and the so-called epic quidditch match was to begin. Montague, the Slytherin captain, just about crushed Angelina's hand though she showed no sign of pain when she shook his. Harry on the other hand cringed and made a mental note of that.

Next thing Harry recalled was Madam Hooch blowing the whistle and his broom was up in the air.

XxX

The match wasn't going good for Gryffindor that was for sure. The Slytherins weren't exactly playing well. It was the fact that Ron wasn't all that good of a keeper. It didn't help much that the Slytherins were singing a completely retarded song that Ron actually seemed to care about. Harry shook his head in disgust.

Harry on the other hand was focused. It was one of those rare occurrences from when you smoke pot. You block everything out. You only become focused on the goal, the objective, and right now Harry was focused. His eyes zigged and zagged throughout the pitch only focused on the snitch.

Malfoy's taunts from Harry's side were a blur; Malfoy was targeting him rather than the snitch. Harry could barely hear Lee Jordan's commentary of the match. Last thing he heard was that the Slytherin team was up by forty points. Harry was just focused… Must Find The Snitch!

Harry turned completely focused on finding the snitch, so focused he didn't notice the black object approaching and …

**WHAP!**

XxX

Harry awakened pressed to the ground, he heard Lee Jordan's voice over the announcements muttering out the score and how, Ginny Weasley had replaced him, Harry, as seeker.

Lee began going on about some story about the Twins getting banished from quidditch, when Harry finally came to full awareness. _What the hell? Angelina didn't even bother to call time out for me?_ Harry thought as he felt a disturbance from underneath him. 

Harry rolled over, just as Lee announced that Slytherin was ahead of Gryffindor by 130 to 90. Harry then held up the rather crushed looking gold ball in his hand.

"Hey the match is over!" Harry shouted.

"I got the damn snitch right here!" Harry shouted waving the battered snitch in the air.

The crowd silenced for a few moments in complete disbelief. There was Harry out cold for half the match and he had fallen on the golden snitch.

All Harry could think was that Wood was more compassionate than Angelina, at least he called timeout when someone got hurt. '_Murderous quidditch bastards!'_ Harry thought.

The Cheers erupted from the stands.

Harry scowled.

XxX

Madam Pomfrey was out examining Harry muttering about concussions, while Angelina and Montague were arguing over the match with Madam Hooch.

"He fell on the snitch! He didn't catch it!" Montague shouted.

"They shouldn't be awarded the points they earned well after Harry caught the snitch!" Angelina fired back.

"I think you need to stay in the hospital wing tonight." Madam Pomfrey muttered to Harry.

"Not a chance in hell!" Harry retorted. "I refuse to be in the hospital wing during anymore of my time here at this so-called school!" Harry shouted back harshly waving Madam Pomfrey away.

The quidditch match was complete hysteria. Students were arguing about the outcome as well as players.

In the end Angelina came marching over in a huff grunting something about the end results being the end results. No points were taken away or awarded. The end score would remain the same.

Harry didn't care at the moment his glare was focused on Angelina.

"Not even a time out to check if I was alright?" Harry questioned harshly.

Angelina ignored Harry's harshness and shrugged. "I didn't see you get hit by a bludger, I just assumed you were drunk or high and fell."

Harry shot Angelina a nasty glare. "I was not drunk Angelina."

Angelina cringed slightly. She took note that Harry didn't bother to refute the claims of being high. Still in the back of her brain it registered somehow, someway the stoned twerp still won the damn match.

XxX

The end of the first term of Hogwarts was finally here. All the students seemed joyful about it except Harry. He was seen as a spy by Hermione and her little terrorist group, known as the DA, Harry learned that from the rumor mill at Hogwarts after seeping through the usual BS or he may have just asked Ron.

Harry also was no where near learning anything more about this 'prophecy' Dumbledore claimed to exist, and now he sat aboard a carriage leading to Hogsmeade in which, he was about to meet Fleur and have Christmas with her parents.

The whole situation made him feel rather ill. Still he did rather miss Fleur and he had been planning with Cormac on a way of talking Fleur out of her family holiday to go and spend the holiday somewhere warm and pleasant. After all Harry was with Fleur who could apparate, and the recent Ministry approved Cormac whom could now apparate as well.

"Harry?" Cormac muttered.

"What's up Mick?" Harry asked glancing Cormac's way.

"Well I was wondering if you made any progress with Granger? She has been giving me nothing, but the cold shoulder." Cormac said in a rather stern manner.

Harry cringed inwardly. He had made about zero effort and zero progress on anything Hermione related.

"Uh… not really Mick. Maybe you should try a new tactic you know? Like… oh would you look at that were here!" Harry exclaimed as their carriage rolled up to the station in Hogsmeade.

As soon as Harry stepped out of his carriage he heard a shriek of joy. The next thing he knew he was embracing Fleur in his arms. "I missed you so much Harry!" Fleur said grabbing and clawing at him, all the while giving him pecks all over his neck and face.

Other students glared as they went by muttering about how Potter could have ended up with someone so hot. Then shook their heads as they remembered the Boy-Who-Lived and threw parties… and did damn near everything insanely as possible.

"Is it so much to ask that I enjoy that kind of embracement?" Cormac whispered into Harry's ear.

"Pipe down Mick! You lose your place in this affair. Now…" Harry said refocusing his attention on Fleur. "How are you babe? Look fantastic as ever!"

Fleur gave him a laughing smile in response. "Do you have everything? Apparation point is over there…" Fleur said waving over to a place a few feet away. "We can be at my parents in moments! Got the whole week off at Gringotts and I told my…"

"Shhhh." Harry said pressing his fingers to Fleur's lips. "Babe… I was thinking, maybe rather than visiting parents, we could…"

Harry was cut off as a voice spluttered.

"Harry! Harry!"

Harry turned to see who was interrupting his suave attempt to trick Fleur. His eyes widened as he saw Nearly Headless Nick floating toward him.

"Nick! What the hell are you doing here? You are supposed to be looking after Chaz!" Harry shouted.

Nick blinked a couple of times "I've been back for a week. You didn't respond to me at all before now."

Harry quirked his lips in question "Are you sure?"

"Yes." Nick muttered.

Harry looked back at Cormac who was nodded as well.

"Oops." Harry said with a shrug. "Well, you got my full attention now Nick. What's up?"

"Harry! Mr. Diggory has awakened from his lost slumber! Though I must warn…"

"What! Chaz is up and about! Why didn't you say so!" Harry shouted. "Babe! Mick! We are going to the States! Agreed?"

Fleur looked a bit confused, but she knew the situation with Cedric and knew it meant a lot to Harry and nodded her head firmly. Cormac looked a bit sullen, but nodded his head muttering something about it being worth it.

"Where to Nick? Same spot as usual?" Harry said with a look of glee as thought Christmas had came a few days early.

"Well… err… Broadway, but I must warn you Harry…" Nick began.

"Broadway? What the hell? Ah well… It doesn't matter… uh anyone been to Broadway?" Harry asked peering over to Fleur and Cormac. Fleur nodded while Cormac just looked sullen and depressed.

"To Broadway then!" Harry shouted and in a few moments the group of Cormac, Fleur, and Harry vanished.

Nick sighed.

"Oh dear."

XxX

**End Chapter**

**Trust me. Thanks to all you readers! I was probably going to tell you something important here, but I have no idea what I was going to say. **


	15. Fleur's Big Mistake

**Harry Potter and the Order of the Chronic**

**Fleur's Big Mistake**

**I don't own any of the characters, all JKR, no profit to be made.**

XxX

"Babe, you just aren't thinking fourth dimensionally." Harry exclaimed once again.

Apparently Fleur had a connection left in Hogwarts and had been listening to the goings on of the school. She had been badgering Harry about his alliance with Umbridge and his lack of faith in his friends since they arrived in New York. Harry knew it was most likely, a conversation she had been planning to discuss over break, but since they had heard about Cedric's reawakening it seemed she decided to break her distaste in his choice early.

"Harry, I'm just saying I heard things and you shouldn't be so harsh on your friends and you should be learning more as well. Your exams are coming up… not that they are like the exams we had in Beauxbatons, which made more sense…" Fleur began rambling on about her school did things better than Hogwarts and how the system at Hogwarts made no sense.

"Ok! I get it babe. Calm down. Now where are you hearing this rubbish anyway?" Harry said interrupting Fleur as they walked streets of New York heading for Broadway. They would have been here earlier if it weren't for McLaggen. Who…

"Hey watch where you are going fucking dumpty!" Cormac shouted as a person on the street bumped into him.

The man shot him a disgusted look. "Fuck you buddy! I'll beat your fucking ass!"

"Oh! You think you can beat my arse?" Cormac retorted rolling up his sleeves.

"I'll knock you fucking block off!" Cormac shouted.

"Christ." Harry muttered grabbing Cormac by the arm and dragging him away why the New Yorker flashed a rude gesture. "Mick. When the hell are you going to learn these Yanks are nothing, but a bunch of cowboys?"

Cormac steamed for a moment then after composing himself somewhat followed albeit a bit reluctantly. Harry had noticed his frustration lately and was sure it was because of his own lack of follow through with Hermione, but…

"So back to the conversation at hand. Who told you all this rubbish about me, Hermione?" Harry questioned as he shot Fleur a glance.

Fleur didn't respond at once, instead she marched on her head high in defiance.

"What? You aren't going to tell me?" Harry said scathingly. "Seriously babe, I'm going to find out anyway. You may as well just tell me. I mean don't make me get Dobby on this or even worse, get Ministry officials… speaking of, which we aren't breaking any laws by being here are we?" Harry said with a glance around as thought American Ministry officials would swoop down on them at any moment.

Fleur rolled her eyes.

"Fine! It is Bill Weasley who told me."

Harry stopped abruptly. Cormac bumped into him as Fleur marched on still facing forward. Harry tried to comprehend what Fleur had just told him then rushed back towards her side.

"I thought you said you weren't talking to that douche bag!" shouted Harry and getting a few annoyed looks from some of the locals.

Fleur ran a hand through her silvery blond hair waving it in a defiant manner. "It's not like I'm interested in him. I'm just interested in hearing what you are up to."

Harry was looking like a scandalized schoolboy, his mouth agape as he trotted next to Fleur. His face seemed to redden.

"I just miss you and wanted to know what you were up to." Fleur said trying to calm Harry before he seemingly would explode.

"That fucking twit Weasley!" Harry shouted his fist clenched.

"Did you even hear me?" Fleur said in a pleading manner from Harry's side.

"I heard you, but that doesn't matter! It means that stupid git Ron is passing information to that moron brother of his!" Harry said clenching his fist.

Now Fleur was glaring at Harry feeling completely scandalized. "You don't care about me at all? You just care about who is passing information about you!" Fleur exclaimed her arms stretched widely in anger.

"I didn't say that!" Harry shouted back, but suddenly his vision wandered elsewhere. Harry seemed frozen his face contorted in confusion as he stood on the brightened streets of Broadway.

"I said I did it because I miss you!" Fleur shouted again trying to regain Harry's attention.

Harry continued to ignore Fleur he brushed past her; Fleur gave a grunt of frustration. Then she noticed Cormac's eyes wide looking in the direction Harry was looking. She turned and gasped reaching a hand to her mouth.

There was a picture of Cedric stuck in a poster case outside of one of theaters. Cedric's smiling face gleaming.

Harry's words rang out.

"What the fuck?"

XxX

"Wow. I didn't think Diggory had a voice like that." Cormac muttered as the crowd applauded the end of the Broadway show.

It had been quite a task to even get into the show. The ticket booth operator had been reluctant to let the trio in since the show had already started. The booth operator had seemed to suspect it as fake. Fleur had tossed down some Euros in which the operator had responded he wasn't interested in monopoly money. At that point Fleur had lost her temper and confounded the operator who had finally let them in… Harry took back his gold piece as well.

"He was quite good don't you think?" Fleur asked a smile on her face as she turned to give Harry a look.

Harry's face was contorted, mixed into a dozen different shades of emotion. "I… He…" Harry struggled for words; he just couldn't seem to find the right thing to say.

"Ok." Harry paused. "His voice was like, like a combination of Fergie and Jesus, but seriously what the fuck is doing up there?" Harry said amongst the muttering crowd a finger pointed at the stage.

"Why is Chaz dancing around on stage like a fairy in this God Forsaken place when he is supposed to back at Hogwarts with me?" Harry said his voice rising ignoring the muttering crowd who threw him annoyed glances.

Harry looked to Cormac who merely shrugged and then to Fleur, who looked sympathetic, but offered now answer. Harry gave up and began shoving his way through the exiting throng of people towards backstage.

"Where are you going?" Fleur shouted desperately pushing her way through the crowd after Harry.

"To get some answers!" Harry responded.

XxX

"How was the show tonight Peeves?" Cedric questioned the poltergeist as he floated above.

"Peevies's enjoyed it very much." Peeves responded as he swooped down tinkering with the muggle items in Cedric's changing room.

"Well I thought I was a little off key at the time when…" Cedric didn't finish as the door burst open with a crash.

"What the fuck are you doing out there Chaz?" Harry roared storming unannounced into the dressing room.

"Harry?"

"Dancing and prancing around like a sprite. A trickery sprite! And you. You!" Harry shouted pointedly at Peeves. "What the fuck did you do to him?"

"Relax Harry." Cedric said making his way to Harry giving him a big hug that caught Harry completely off guard. Harry just stood in stunned silence.

"I have you to thank for everything Harry. I mean without you I never would have found my calling." Cedric said finally releasing Harry. "And Peeves of course, been such a help."

Harry seemed rooted to the spot, not blinking as he just stared up at Cedric. Luckily the odd stare down didn't last long as Cormac and Fleur appeared in the dressing the room a moment later.

"Oh Fleur and… I don't believe I know you that well?" Cedric said moving towards Fleur and Cormac.

"McLaggen. Cormac McLaggen Harry's new muscle." Cormac said with a slight smirk expecting to inflict a pang of jealously on Diggory.

Cedric simply smiled and nodded. "I was hoping you were doing well at Hogwarts without me Harry." Cedric responded with a nod to Harry and Cormac.

Harry seemingly snapped out of his funk then just glared at Cedric. "Care to explain why you aren't back there? I didn't send you off to the _best experts in the world_ for nothing? What the hell are you doing here?"

Cedric snorted. "Best experts?"

After a chuckle more to himself than anyone else Cedric continued. "Well I just kept hearing Peeves singing and just so much singing … and of course I couldn't do it in my… less than active state, but it hit me. I wanted to dance and sing and just be, be, be a sensation. Now look at me!" Cedric exclaimed.

Harry looked from Cedric to Peeves in complete confusion. "Peeves what the hell have you been teaching him? Worthless fucking ghost hunters!" Harry finished more to himself than anyone present.

Peeves let out a cackle "nothing Harry hasn't been instructing me to do."

"What the hell do you mean Peeves?" Harry asked his temper rising.

"The movies of course… Peevies watched them and became a good poltergeist." Peeve's said with a cackle, his finger pointed to a television set up in the corner.

Harry made his way to the TV set and picked up the copy of the 'Poltergeist' and as he opened he gasped in horror.

The room remained silent as Harry stood on in quiet wonder. "What is it?" Cormac questioned.

"You!" Harry shouted as he turned his finger pointed directly at Fleur.

"You did this to him! You killed! He's dead to me now!" Harry shouted in rage.

Fleur backed away from the raged Harry her hands out in defense. "I don't know what you mean?" Fleur said completely in confusion.

"I told you that movie was evil and now Chaz is dead!" Harry shouted pulling out the copy of 'High School Musical' and whipping across the room to Fleur's feet.

"You see the destruction you have caused!" Harry shouted just as the DVD landed at Fleur's feet.

Fleur shook her head. "I didn't know! Harry please!" Fleur responded to no avail.

"You know Harry I'm still alive." Cedric muttered to the side of the argument.

"You… You…" Harry shouted jabbing a finger towards Fleur then Cedric and then just aimlessly around the room as his rage grew.

"I can't take this anymore. Mick get me the hell out of this hell hole!" Harry shouted as he walked over to Cormac who was positioned by the door.

Fleur rushed to him "Harry I didn't mean it. Please I'll fix it! I promise."

"You've already done enough damage don't you think?" Harry retorted with a snoty pull of his head away from her.

"You don't mean that? … Did you Harry?" Fleur questioned her arm outstretched towards Harry.

"You killed my best friend." Harry responded coldly. "Get me out of here Mick." Harry finished grabbing on to Cormac's arm.

"I'm still alive!" Cedric chimed in just before Harry and Cormac apparated away.

XxX

Harry fell flat on his face as he and Cormac appeared just out of reach of Hogwarts grounds.

"Fuck! I hate magical travel so much!" Harry said giving a kick to the ground.

"Not that bad when you are talented as me." Cormac offered up as a response.

"Shut the fuck up." Harry retorted as he clambered off the ground and stormed off to the castle.

"You do realize it is Christmas break don't you? Nobody is here… well not many of them." Cormac called out to Harry's back, Harry ignored him.

XxX

Harry stormed into the empty Gryffindor common room swearing up a storm. "Fucking bitch! Stupid dumb ass. What the fuck!" He was only paused on his tyrant when someone spoke.

"Harry? Are you ok?"

Harry paused and turned very slowly as he stood just out of reach of the roaring Gryffindor fire.

"I'm… I'm…. no I'm not ok!"

XxX

"Fleur please stop crying. We are so happy together." Cedric said trying to comfort Fleur who was down on her knees, hands to her face, bawling.

"Well… I'm just glad I got a hold of such a great guy. He would never harm me or do me anything to hurt me! We are in love, irrevocably." The new girl in the room sounded as she pulled Cedric away.

Fleur pulled her hands away from her tear drawn face to look at the new comer with disgust as she gave Cedric a peck on the cheek.

"I don't think you need to associate with people like that Cedric. After all I don't believe that Harry person is worth dying for." She said much to Fleur's chagrin.

"What do you mean Bella?" Cedric questioned.

"I just mean, I'm willing to give up all my friends and life to be with you." Bella responded in a serious manner.

"Really?" Cedric responded with a nervous giggle.

"Yes and you better be willing to too!" Bella said grabbing a tight grip of Cedric's arm.

"Of course I do!" Cedric shrieked in response as his face turned red.

"Good! Because I don't want to end up like this poor sap of a girl with no friends, lover, or potential and just be on my own!" Bella said with a nod to Fleur who was still in her crying position staring up in disbelief at this behavior.

"Bella I really don't think that is appropriate." Cedric muttered.

"Shhh…." Bella whispered. "Don't think. Leave that to me… I'll make everything…"

"Look out!"

XxX

"Real mature Fleur!" Cedric shouted as Fleur darted out of the room leaving Bella lying on the floor with a black eye.

"It's ok baby. I'm here for you now." Cedric said cradling Bella touching a cold ice pack to Bella's blackened eye.

"I love you so much Cedric. " Bella cooed as Cedric dabbed at her eye.

"I just want to let you know that I'd abandon my whole life for you." Bella said.

Cedric chuckled in a joking manner, but quieted at once when he saw she was not laughing, but completely serious.

"Um… ok." Cedric offered.

Bella pushed the ice packet away and kissed Cedric. "Take me Cedric!"

Cedric didn't paused at first as he deeply kissed her back, but then his brain kicked in…

"What did you say your dad does?"

"Chief of police."

Cedric's eyebrow twitched.

"… How old are you again?"

XxX

Fleur stormed out of the Broadway studio-wiping tears away from her face. She couldn't comprehend what had just happened. All she knew is that she had just leveled a psychotic bitch and Harry had just broken up with her.

She couldn't concentrate and as she dashed away she bumped into someone. The woman had aging gray and silver blond hair and was dressed in very high-class clothes.

"Do watch where you are going!" The older woman said with mild disgust, but paused as she perused Fleur.

The woman looked Fleur up and down for a brief moment.

"Dear, what is your profession again?"

XxX

**End Chapter**

**Been awhile, but hey SC2 came out. Fucking epic game. Expect changes… maybe. **

**No crossover between twilight and hp, just a cameo and maybe another, but no crossover there. C'mon you know you loved it when Fleur gave Bella a black eye. Another cameo too. Anyone figure it out?  
**


	16. Power of the Darkside

**Harry Potter and the Order of the Chronic**

**The Power of the Darkside**

**I don't own any of the characters, all JKR, no profit to be made.**

**Scene is Harry after arriving back at Hogwarts from his unpleasant trip. More probably be added on, but for now just a taste.**

XxX

"I just can't believe he's gone!"

"Abandoned you in your time of need didn't he?" A slightly slick icky voice chimed in as they talked about Cedric.

"… he did!"

"Harry, Harry, Harry, surely these must be confusing times for you?" She responded in a girlish voice with a slight smile. She had him right where she wanted him.

"Well I suppose so." Harry responded with an awkward glance.

"You see Mr. Potter you foolishly hold on to hope for the life you once had, and have been taught that you have some greater purpose." She responded giving out a high, almost cackling laugh as she slowly paced in front of the Gryffindor fire, while Harry laid on one of the cushy sofas.

"This greater life is a lie, but fear not, all is not lost… I can give you that life Mr. Potter." She said in a sickly sweet voice extended a hand towards Harry.

Harry gazed at the hand uncertain.

"You really aren't trying to seduce me? I mean, I wouldn't blame you, you know." Harry chimed in motioning to himself.

"No! For the last time I'm not trying to seduce you Mr. Potter!" Umbridge spat.

"I'm offering you an invitation into a… well a team I'm beginning to form… and I want you to head it."

Harry gazed on at the hand offered to him. "Does it require a lot of work? Cause that isn't really my thing."

"Most of the work will be up to me. I want you…" Umbridge was almost giggling with glee at how well this was working out.

"I want you as more of a figure head. I already have a few select students in mind for this who will be part of our little operation." Umbridge muttered with a sickly sweet toady smile.

"So I'll just be expected to give the… troops a few words of grace and stuff like that?" Harry replied with a quizzical look.

"Exactly." Umbridge replied with a girlish grin.

"Then we have an accord." Harry said taking her hand and giving it a shake.

They both grinned as they shook hands.

"You won't regret this Harry. You become more great than you can possibly imagine." Umbridge muttered through her lying teeth.

Harry only thought…

_She really must be insane… who in their right mind would trust me?_

XxX

**Short I know, but still trying to work out bugs on where I want this to go. Poor Chaz sucked into that Mary Sue's clutches. And Fleur… I had something planned for that, not sure if I remember where I was going with it. So may be cancelled out.**

**Fergie and Jesus. LOL Stepbrothers. And no one got the 4th dimensionally. Back to the Future. I didn't read all the reviews though.**

**I can't find my outline to where I wanted to go with this. So just winging it. Still SC2 and HOI2 are taking up a lot of my time. I'll still try to fit in updates though I promise…**

**PS That is like a Luke Skywalker promise by the way… You know he promised to come back and by the time he came back Yoda was on his deathbed. Don't worry I'll try to better than that :) See that a damn emote. **


	17. hp random update

**Harry Potter and the Order of the Chronic**

**Update**

**This story is on hiatus.**

**XxX  
**

**No its not! I kid, I kid. **

**I'm going to be going back and maybe smoothing out some of the rough edges. Like I said I was struggling. **

**For some reason I am having cravings for writing it again… probably the fact that I suck so much at SC2.**

**Either way upcoming week probably see some changes to the last two chapters and then following a nice bunch of updates. Sorry not this weekend, I got business to take care of. Legal business! Bunch of savages, I know what you were thinking.**

**Just thought I'd let you readers know that I'm going to once again be writing some more. Although no idea where it is going to go (to many ideas make me do something, something). So if you have a particular idea I'm open to it because I often tend to read reviews and pms, but as usual it must be completely insane because I mean… that is Harry's style in this type of story.**

**Also I don't mind people offering constructive criticism, but seriously don't bash or you will be blocked. I know a dick move, but I can't stress enough the story is supposed to be completely insane and just meant for laughs. You know, just form a very unlikely and shady plot and go with it. **

**I cry when those nasty reviews come in see! ****. Sad face. **

**Love you guys and gals and hope to hear from you in the coming weeks. As always this will probably go down when my next chapter goes up. **

**And seriously they better do a damned good job with HP & the Deathly Hallows or I'm going to shoot myself! **

**PS. I saw many a review worrying about Harry and Fleur… It might change, but probably not. You kill me AAAHHHH! I joke, but seriously gotta give them some freedom before committing… *cough* got plenty of ideas for Harry. Fleur anyone?**

**PS 2 Warning if you have political ideologies… well best you stop here.**

…

…

…

…

…

**Seriously wtf is with shark finning. These guys have been around since the dinosaurs, dino juice, gave us oil… zing, but seriously knock it off the oceans don't belong to us, we aren't sea creatures if anyone didn't notice. It is like raping your own mother. The oceans gave birth to us and now we see fit to fuck it up? Messed up IMO. **

**And yeah I had a nostalgic moment to anyone who watched Shark Week. **


End file.
